I ♥ My Kids Equally, But… In Real Life #15

Of course I love my kids equally, but… well, watch this week’s episode of In Real Life to see what’s up. And pardon my crabbiness! It doesn’t happen very often 😉

Stuff mentioned in this video

How about you?

Do you think the second born gets the short end of the stick? Share with us in the comments below!

About the Author

Genevieve Howland is a childbirth educator and breastfeeding advocate. She is the bestselling author of The Mama Natural Week-by-Week Guide to Pregnancy and Childbirth and creator of the Mama Natural Birth Course. A mother of three, graduate of the University of Colorado, and YouTuber with over 75,000,000 views, she helps mothers and moms-to-be lead healthier and more natural lives.


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  1. Allowing little Paloma to be exposed to germs as a baby will actually build her immune system to be stronger later on in life! Although it is so hard to watch her spike a fever or go through a terrible-sounding cough, you are building her up for greater health later in life. Also, I didn’t realize how easy it is to make homemade almond milk! I will definitely have to try that this week!

  2. As a firstborn married to another firstborn, it may seem like #2 (and in my case 3,4,5) get the short end of the stick now, as littles… but later on in life, they get SO many things/privileges that were never allowed when we (firstborns) were their age!! We joke that we firstborns were the guinea pigs of the family…. our parents’ test subjects to determine what works and what doesn’t. What rules are really worth enforcing… and which ones really are as critical as once thought. All hubby and I can do is look at our parents/ teenaged siblings, shake our heads and laugh. Times do change… !

  3. My daughter thinks the baby I am currently pregnant with will be the spoiled one. We had gotten pregnant with our first child on our one year wedding anniversary. We didn’t have much in terms of luxury items. We were 21 when we got married, my husband was military and ditched all his personal items at his parents then again when he left the military. So our camera was old and not digital, we had no video camera, we had one computer that was mine from when I was in high school. I didn’t use social media and I had no idea how to cook. Our lives when we first had our daughter was very different than it is now. Being 23 and only being on our own for 2 years, my husband and I relied on our family’s knowledge to help us make those decisions on how to feed and diaper our baby. My daughter is now 7 years old and she felt upset that we were able to take this silly announcement photo of me getting sick over the toilet and my husband taking a selfie in front of me all happy about sharing the news. We shared this photo on social media and everyone was just buzzing about this announcement and how funny it was. I had to explain to her that we have the ability to do this now but didn’t for her but she did receive a huge celebration in her honor but this baby will not get one as the second child. But my husband and I are doing things so very differently with this pregnancy and with the baby when it is born that our daughter feels like we are favoring this child. Its just a matter of having two children so far apart in age that my husband and I have changed so much as people that as parents we have changed as well. We formula fed because everyone in my family has, we disposable diapered our daughter, we didn’t consider there was any other way. The more I heard about others using cloth diapers I knew I wanted to cloth diaper in the future. Also, I would much rather breastfeed as well. My daughter is not liking these changes, she feels its unfair and really there is nothing I can say to her that wont sound like I’m say “sorry hun, its too late for you. We fed you stuff I no longer feel is safe, and I diapered you with diapers that could have chemically burned you. Sorry, but hey, you survived.” I don’t think a 7 year old understands how once you know something is a risk then you have to change but not knowing then what I know now doesn’t mean what I did was wrong for her.

  4. I’m don’t think that they’re necessarily getting the short end of the stick. As new parents we tend to go overboard for our firstborns and we’re actually pretty normal with our second and so on.

    • I completely agree. the first one, you’re sterilizing everything.. all the experiences are new.. the baby is also the only one you have to think about. Consecutive babies are less mysterious. you’ve worked out they don’t need to nurse to sleep etc. I think it’s more that we calm down about parenting.

  5. Not sure if


  7. Hi Genevive! I was wondering if you and Mike do anything for natural “birth control”. If so, please share in a video! Thank you.

    • Yes, Genevieve, I understand your concern about the second child. Yet, I believe I can give you comfort on that score. I have two cousins. The eldest was lavished with extra special attention and professional photo shoots too. You name it, she got it. Then, my second cousin came along and the closest you could get to a professional photo was a snapshot of her looking at the camera on her tummy. Yet, she was always loved and knew it. She’s well adjusted and has the eldest beat in the brainy side of things. She achieved a full scholarship with that brainyness (is that a word? Lol.) and she is working to become a medical engineer. So, don’t worry. You may have quite the well adjusted brain surgeon on your hands! Lol! Hope that helps relieve the anxiety. 😉
      Also, I am also interested in how you do your natural family planning as well. Would love a video if you find the time. 😉


  8. They definitely get the shorter end! We recently had our fourth child, she is now 9 months, our first girl, and we have yet to have any pictures of her up in our house! lol! When you feel crabby, try a drop of Joy on your ears or over your heart! works great! I love my frankincense! I use it for everything! Even deodorant!

  9. I always feel so uplifted after watching your videos.
    Thank you!

  10. I don’t know why, but I’m so glad you made a cranky video. You always seem so perky and positive. Makes me feel like not such a failure that my hormones turn me into a crank. Funny thing, can women’s hormones sync from over the internet? Cuz your timing is impecable… 😉

    I agree with the poster above who thinks the 2nd child has it better. With my first, I was reeling from the adjustment to being a parent. I suffered very intense PPD and Anxiety and was just a giant mess. #2 is calm, independent, fearless and I am actually able to just roll with the punches much more so he has a smiling mama instead of a mama who can’t get herself out of bed or the house.

    Also, #2 has definitely been more sick. In fact this past winter was atrocious for sickness in our house. He was actually in the PICU at the children’s hospital an hour away and had to be intubated for awhile right before Christmas. It was traumatizing and I praise God that he is now very well, but if it had happened with my first I’m not sure I could have handled it. That first winter that they’re mobile they can shove every germ infested thing they find into their mouths. It’s really a disgusting milestone despite their adorableness at the time.

  11. Just wait until the 3rd comes around… Things I *never* would have done with my 1st suddenly became quickly acceptable for my 3rd.

  12. i’m a second born, and I think i’m better adjusted. firstborns are uptight and have issues (they get the 1st time harried parents); lastborns are spoiled. you may notice they’re getting less than the first, but they don’t know any difference, so don’t worry about it.

  13. Genevieve! I can’t even begin to tell you how much I appreciated this video! I rarely comment on message boards, but this video hit so close to home, I felt I had to. I often feel like my little second-born Max gets neglected while I chase around my energetic toddler and it truly breaks my heart. Everything you said from bed time routines to memory videos is the same in this household! Hopefully we can figure out a way to make sure they get all the love and attention they deserve! 😉

  14. Baby #2 definitely gets shafted a little. I have a 2.5 year old and a 9 month old. It seems like everything still rotates around the oldest schedule and wants and needs. But, at the same time, Baby #2 adapts to new things far better than his older brother did. He’s much happier and more outgoing. He soothes himself better. He plays by himself better. And as far as snuggles, if I don’t have time, Older Brother definitely takes care of it! I try to make sure I get some one-on-one time with each, but it’s certainly harder with 2!

  15. Your video couldn’t have come at a more perfect time — I’ve been lamenting to my hubby about how my little guy gets the short end of the stick. He’s almost 5 months and has had 3 colds himself. We have the same situation — big sis (2.5) is in a small daycare but still comes home with germs and is definitely all up in his grill as soon as she gets home. 🙂 I’ve told her to give kisses on the top of the head and toes, but she only listens to that some of the time!

    We also do our best with his routine, but he gets a simple bath and lullaby and that’s it! We actually got a nice, loud sound machine to help block out some of the noise because big sister is not the best when it comes to staying quiet as we wind him down.

    Hearing your story reminds me that our hearts may make room for more love, but it is just not possible to do everything the way we used to for our first ones. Something I tell myself though is that the second one doesn’t know it any differently (only we do!) — so, we just do our best.

    p.s. I am SO much more tired now with two, which has also made me a crank-a-saurus… makes me just think mommies who are handling more than that are truly super-women!!! Hope you are feeling better yourself.

    • Glad to know I’m not alone Tami! We also have a banging noise maker because it’s hard to keep a 3 year old quiet when baby is sleeping 🙂 I *am* feeling better. Whew, I’ve had a little more rest and down time which always helps 🙂

  16. I am the second child also! In some ways I feel like I got the “short end of the stick” There are definitely more pictures of my brother and his baby book is filled and mine is bare…it even has the wrong year of my birth written in it! lol! But come the teenage years my parents were much more lenient with me because they realized that they had been too strict with my brother. (He is nearly 4 years older than I). So I guess that makes up for forgetting what year I was born. 🙂 I think gender plays into it too, as well as personality. I have heard about birth order books that explain it all but I have never read any of them.

  17. This is what my Moms of 2 support group says on the second child getting the short end of the stick – they make up for it with the affections and attentions of their sibling.
    It’s so apparently true with Griffin – he totally adores Miss P!
    I’m a second so I hear you. Also, in a way, by being laid back (as a necessity) our seconds are more laid back (as least in my case that’s true). Thanks for another great IRL video!!

    • Haha! So true. Thanks for sharing your wisdom. I was just thinking that I *do* make up for it with extra kisses and hugs. This girl gets A LOT of love, cuddles and kisses 🙂

      She is more laid back, thank God! 🙂

  18. I feel like my second born has it way better!
    When my oldest was born I was an active duty Marine and still had 6 months on contract, there is no FMLA for military so after six weeks it was back to 12+ hour days 5 days a week. My husband was and still is Active duty so she went to a sitter and it was heartbreaking!
    After my contract ended I became a SAHM and that’s why I feel like baby #2 has it so much better. We haven’t been apart more than a couple hours at a time thanks to BF.

    I also had really sever PPD with my first and I feel like it made things much worse.

  19. When making your almond milk, what lid did you use with your mason jar?

    • It’s a sprouting lid. Love it! It’s grain for straining small seeds like quinoa too.

  20. To make you feel a little better about neglecting Paloma it’s actually a good thing that your baby gets a cold within the first year of life. Not to get too technical but when the mother is pregnant her body’s T cells “switch” such that the mother doesn’t attack her child since the baby is a foreign substance. Well this switch actually stays with the baby and makes the child more likely to get allergies. By your daughter having a cold her body has to “switch” back to having more T cells that kill foreign tissue(like a bacteria). So good job you have made it more difficult for your little one to get allergies! Also just for some credibility the only reason I know this is because I have a degree in Microbiology.

    • Also forgot to mention that you want this “switch” to occur within the first year or so of life.

    • WOO HOO! Thank you dear Ashley for making me feel better about this 🙂 🙂 🙂 XOXO

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