Join us for part five of an eight-part series on relationships based on Harville Hendrix’s book Getting the Love you Want.
Without a shared vision, a relationship will perish.
In the spirit of Valentine’s Day, why not create a relationship vision with your partner? Mike and I did this based on Harville Hendrix’s Getting the Love You Want, and it was a huge blessing in our lives! At the time we wrote our relationship vision, some of the statements were very aspirational, and not our present reality. What’s amazing is that today, not only did our vision come true, but it’s something we still use as a tool when we find ourselves getting a little bit off course.
How to write your relationship vision statement
You and your partner will need two sheets of paper, a couple of pens, and about 30 minutes of time.
First, spend about 10 minutes writing out some visions you both have for your relationship. Describe the kind of relationship you desire with your partner. Write them in the present tense and in a positive voice – e.g. “We are smart with money,” as opposed to, “We avoid money problems.”
Some vision examples may include: We are committed to each other. We enjoy traveling together. We share in household duties. We support each other’s careers.
After you’ve made your individual lists, come together as a couple and share your visions with each other. Using these as a guide, you then make a “master” list. The goal is to combine your two individual visions into one cohesive list. Once you’ve done that, rank the statements one through five, with five being the most important.
The visions that you both rank as five top out your list. Work together as a couple to determine which additional visions are important enough to make the final list.
Mike and Genevieve’s Relationship Vision
- We are best friends.
- We are healing agents in each other’s lives.
- We value our relationship as our most important interpersonal relationship.
- We accept all of each other and ourselves with love and tolerance.
- We have peace, purpose, and calm at the center of our relationship.
- We are committed to our development as individuals.
- We are committed to each other.
- We worship and deepen our relationship with God together.
- We laugh often and have fun!
- We have a satisfying sex life.
- We place God, love, family, and self-care above work life.
- We stay physically fit and healthy together.
- We ask God for help and healing daily.
- We work through anger and disagreements.
- We both have fulfilling careers.
- We share in household responsibilities and financial matters.
- We are avid, adventurous travelers, and lifelong learners.
- We are smart about money.
- We are close to family and friends.
- We appreciate and participate in art and culture.
- We create beauty together through various creative endeavors.
- We give back as a couple to our church, community, country, and world.
Ready for the next exercise?
Though creating a relationship vision is a great thing for all couples to do, there are other ways to enhance your relationship and your bond in order to have the relationship you want. Ready to learn more? Check out the next post in this relationship series:
▷▷▷ Part 6: Re-Romanticize Your Partnership
Learn more about IMAGO and find a therapist at: https://harvilleandhelen.com/