My Miscarriage Story

In 1988, President Ronald Reagan proclaimed October as National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness month. He had some very powerful words to say on the subject…

When a child loses his parent, he is called an orphan. When a spouse loses her or his partner, they are called a widow or widower. When parents lose their child, there isn’t a word to describe them. This month recognizes the loss so many parents experience across the United States and around the world. It is also meant to inform and provide resources for parents who have lost children due to miscarriage, ectopic pregnancy, molar pregnancy, stillbirths, birth defects, SIDS, and other causes.

My hearts go out to each and every mom who has had to walk through these types of losses. There are no words to describe the pain. There is nothing quite like it.

And frankly, I never thought I’d have a miscarriage story to share.

I was incredibly blessed to have two very easy, very uneventful pregnancies and births in my mid to late thirties.

I only had to pee on pregnancy sticks for two months of my life—one month for each of my children. I didn’t know the heartache of getting a negative result. Of losing a baby after the positive result. Of delivering a deceased child. Of loss.

But now, I do.

After spending a year of my life writing about the miraculous process of pregnancy for our pregnancy week by week series and the Mama Natural pregnancy book, I got baby fever something fierce.

It started with little thoughts like “oh, I miss that time in my life” and “I loved being pregnant.” Soon it blossomed into “I MUST HAVE ANOTHER CHILD!” 

This was all very surprising, as I thought I was done. I had two wonderful kids, one of each sex. My husband and I figured our family was complete.

But then, suddenly, it didn’t feel like it.

It came to the point where it was almost painful to work on the book and read page after page of the pregnancy experience I had loved so much, and now longed for.

And it wasn’t just me. My husband Michael also spent his year reading, writing, and working with our illustrator on all things pregnancy. To my surprise, he was game to try again and get back on the crazy baby train of constant care, little sleep, diaper changes, and baby kisses.

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Part of me felt crazy.

I was 41 years old and would be 42 when I gave birth. Michael was 44.

True, moms in their forties have babies; but it would be naive of me to think that it would be a breeze or without risk.

We prayed about it… a lot… and felt led to follow our hearts and take the plunge.

We tried in December of 2016 and I was shocked to learn that I was pregnant on January 1st, 2017. I never felt pregnant (which I normally do very early) and I also was fighting off a flu.

A few days later, I had a fever of nearly 102 and knew something wasn’t right.

On January 6th, I woke up and peed, only to find blood on the toilet paper. I refused to believe my eyes.

“No… no, no, no, please God, no…”

The bleeding got heavier, and I knew that this pregnancy wasn’t meant to be.

I was shocked, stunned, and so sad.

I wept. I cried. I yelled at God. I yelled at myself. I was devastated.

It felt like some of the “innocence” (and naiveté) of my previous pregnancy experiences was lost. I felt a whole new harsh reality.

Women miscarry. I knew this. I study this. And, unfortunately, I see this weekly when ask us to remove them from our pregnancy week-to-week series.

One in four pregnancies will end in miscarriage. And yet it feels utterly shocking when it happens to YOU.

Thankfully, the bleeding wasn’t bad; if I hadn’t known I was pregnant, I would have assumed it was just my period.

It took me several months to “regroup” (can you really after losing life?) and decide what to do next.

Again, we prayed.

We felt led to try once again.

And, again, I became pregnant right away. I couldn’t believe it! I was so thankful and full of joy. I found out on Earth Day (April 22, 2017) right before my book launched into the world. A double blessing!

Unlike the first time, I felt pregnant right away.

I was exhausted. I felt queazy. My boobs were growing like crazy.

And, I’ll be honest; there were moments when I thought…

What did I do?!

Am I crazy to be having a baby at 42?

Can I really pull this off?

And then I had other moments where I was ecstatic, giddy, on cloud nine. I couldn’t believe that I got to do this again! Woo hoo!

We were going to be a family of five (or even six?)! It could very well have been twins, I thought, based on how tired I was and how big I became so early into the pregnancy.

I was like a mad woman trying to find little things to make my near constant pregnancy nausea go away. I wasn’t throwing up, but I felt terrible. Homeopathic remedies weren’t helping much. Ginger was just barely taking the edge off. But, grapefruit. Ahh, grapefruit did the trick. As long as I ate one grapefruit immediately after a meal, I didn’t feel too bad. (Hurray for finding random, natural remedies!)

In May, our family traveled to Chicago for a midwife conference, so I thought I’d visit the same midwives who delivered my other children. It was my first prenatal appointment at 10 weeks into the pregnancy.

Because my husband and I both had a hunch that I was carrying twins, the midwives agreed to take a “quick peek” via ultrasound to check for multiples.

Now, you know I’m not a big fan of medically unnecessary ultrasounds (which is exactly what this was!), but I just had to know.

So there we were in the ultrasound room. Me on the table wearing just a shirt and a gown.

My husband in a chair, his legs bobbing up and down in anticipation. He was convinced it was twins.

The sonographer waving her wand on my belly.

“Well, it’s just one baby,” she said.

I breathed a sign of relief.

I think my husband was disappointed.

The sonographer kept zooming her wand around, studying her screen.

I was just about to tell her to wrap it up when she uttered the words I will never forget.

“I’m so sorry, the baby has no heartbeat.” 

Shock.

Numb.

Disbelief.

That couldn’t be true. I was nauseous. My boobs throbbed. My belly was huge. How could this be?

I had no bleeding. No cramping. ZERO signs that something was wrong.

Turns out I had what’s called a missed miscarriage.

That’s when the baby dies but the body doesn’t recognize it. It typically takes around three weeks for the body to pass the baby.

My midwife started mentioning things like D&Cs, genetic testing, pain relief. All I could do is stare in disbelief. I couldn’t take it in.

My dream died. My little, precious gift from God passed at 8 weeks and 6 days.

The next few days were a blur. I had every emotion you could imagine.

Sadness.

Anger.

Relief.

Peace.

Fear.

Confusion.

And regret.

Yes, that terrible, unfruitful feeling of regret. I wished I knew how much I’d love being a mother. I wished I’d met my husband Michael in my twenties. I wished we would have tried sooner. I wished, I wished…

My body wasn’t cooperating…

I thought that since my baby died, the yucky pregnancy symptoms (nausea, debilitating fatigue) would go away fast and I could go back to my life.

But no.

I felt pregnant for the next two weeks.

I woke up every morning nauseous. I got indigestion after each meal. I was still so tired.

And yet, there was still no heartbeat.

I decided to let my body release the baby naturally in due time.

I watched for signs of infection and waited… and waited… and waited.

I had wanted this child so dearly, and yet now I wanted the child to leave so badly.

I wanted this saga to end so I could fully accept reality. So my family could move on. So that I could heal. So that I could stop being “kinda” pregnant.

Just like one of my midwife friends said, it took about 3 weeks for my body to pass the baby.

One day I felt labor pains, and the process began.

It felt like full on labor—back labor to boot!—and, over the course of several hours, I passed my little love.

Thank goodness I’d been through two childbirths already and knew some of what to expect. If I hadn’t, I think I would have called 911 for an ambulance.

As I went through the process (oh my, the blood!), I thought of all the women out there who’ve walked through missed miscarriages, miscarriages, stillborns and had to birth to their deceased children.

There are no words for how sad this experience is. How lonely it feels. How pointless it seems. And how heartbreaking it is.

And yet, God is good. There was still beauty in it. There was still God’s grace. Still His abiding love and peace. His precious presence.

And still incredibly sad.

I finally feel like I’m processing these experiences and making them a part of my reality.

We don’t know what we’ll do next regarding our family.

Try again?

Adopt?

Get fur babies?

Anything is on the table at this point. (As a side note: I’m looking into what could be causing the miscarriages. Aside from the obvious aging eggs, it could be tied to a tick bite that is causing my immune system to overreact in pregnancy.)

At this point, we’re just praying, praying, praying.

And also staying in gratitude for the two incredible, living gifts I get to parent each day. I don’t take that for granted. I realize now how precious this is.

I don’t regret trying.

I’m even proud that I took a chance and went for it at such an advanced maternal age. (I’d definitely be a “geriatric” pregnancy, as they say! ?)

I learned a lot through the experience.

I understand the fear, shame, sadness, confusion and devastation of miscarriage. And the courage it takes to rally. To get back up and try again.

And I’m grateful for my faith.

I am blessed beyond measure to have two living children, and I feel blessed (yes, blessed) that I’ll have two precious babies in heaven to love on.

I am grateful for moms who talk about their losses. I’m grateful for organizations that rally around families in grief like Through the Heart. I’m grateful for people like Dr. Jessica Zucker and her organization I Had A Miscarriage whose mission is to de-stigmatize, de-silence, de-shame pregnancy and infant loss.

I’ve told some family and friends (and even acquaintances!) about my pregnancy loss. It was sometimes a strange and upsetting experience, as I found I often had to help them process their emotions around the experience.

I didn’t anticipate that.

But I think that, as more people come forward with their stories of loss, we will as a society better understand and support those who grieve.

While I don’t know if I’ll have my rainbow baby, I do feel more connected to myself, to the birth community, and to those in grief.

How about you?

Do you have a story of miscarriage, stillborn or infant loss? Know that you are not alone and there is no “right” way to process your experience. If you feel like sharing your reflections, please do so in the comments below.

Thank you for being part of our community and being on this parenthood journey with me. I love you.❤

About the Author

Genevieve Howland is a childbirth educator and breastfeeding advocate. She is the bestselling author of The Mama Natural Week-by-Week Guide to Pregnancy and Childbirth and creator of the Mama Natural Birth Course. A mother of three, graduate of the University of Colorado, and YouTuber with over 75,000,000 views, she helps mothers and moms-to-be lead healthier and more natural lives.

The Mama Natural Week-by-Week Guide to Pregnancy & Childbirth book

Introducing the world’s first
week-by-week pregnancy guide
from a natural perspective!

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  1. I went for my 12 week check up I should have been 12weeks 5days September 20th when I heard The nurse tell me I’m sorry Jessica there’s no heartbeat my heart broken 1 million pieces right then and there I have one child her name is Isa Bella she just turned 11 on August 28 my first ultrasound was done on August 27 saw the heartbeat everything looked good the doctor said she didn’t see no blood behind the baby everything looked good well when I went on September 20 I heard those horrible words and I just could not believe what I was hearing when I was 20 I had my first child this would’ve been my second I have PCOS so it’s hard for me to get pregnant. When they was giving me my Options but my body was not doing everything on its own and with me filling the heartbreak of losing this baby that I’ve prayed for for 10 years it’s insane. I had a missed miscarriage the baby stopped growing at 9weeks 2 days the day after I had my first ultrasound 💔! So I chose to do these pills for pills that you put inside of you to force the miscarriage I did it and I had still been bleeding for two weeks having clients all sorts of issues still happening so I had to go back in 2 weeks after the missed miscarriage my only option to find out why was still clotting and having issues was to have another ultrasound done which I went ahead and let them do and they found a lot in my cervix well the reason why I chose not to do a d&c like other people already have an issue having kids I don’t want there to be an issue if I’m able to get pregnant again of holding the baby. Well they gave me an option again for D&C to go ahead and get the rest the blood clots out I chose no again and I had to do the pills again I feel like there could’ve been a better option to have this taken care of maybe some help with Getting pregnant again I want a baby I’m 31 I’ll be 32 in January. Well in a few months I’ll be trying again asking as I get my period this coming month. Pray for me 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽

  2. I lost my eight month old son in February from strep throat. Doctor’s misdiagnosed him with flu. I stood in my faith through all the emotional wind gust. Found out I was pregnant three weeks ago. How full my heart felt to carry once again! My excitement was cut short. Currently miscarrying. My heart is in pieces. Your story has aided in trying to find understanding.

  3. Reading your story was like a page out of my own miscarriage chapters. My children are 11 and 16 and I’ve always wanted more children. This year (2018) my husband finally gave in and we’ve been TTC since January. I found out at the end of May that I was pregnant, I was always tired and my boobs were so tender, but no morning sickness which I didn’t have with my first two either, so when I went in for a confirmation I was told there was no yolk in the sac, three weeks later my body rejected that pregnancy and the pain was worse than when I actually gave birth to my two children.
    I didn’t want to wait, so after my period we tried again. I took four tests that were all positive, I was a little in disbelief. I didn’t have any pregnancy symptoms other than a lot of bloating and an occasional nausea here and there. In September I went in for a confirmation and they told me, “I’m sorry, there’s no heartbeat.” I was measuring at about 6 weeks. At what would have been nine weeks my body went through the miscarriage process and I knew what to expect so while cleaning the house, doing laundry, making dinner I was running to the bathroom and saying goodbye to the baby I wanted so much.
    We didn’t tell anyone other then my mom & our children. It’s been so hard going to work and smiling and pretending like my heart didn’t break so much this year. My mom of course says all the wrong things I can’t with her sometimes, like please don’t say things like that. Don’t put that kind of negativity in the universe.
    I’ve since gone back on BCP and I told my husband that when I finish the packs I have I’d like to try again. I pray everyday, just as I have always done. I would have loved to have tried again, but I felt that my heart wouldn’t have been able to handle another loss this year.

  4. I could not have found this at a better time! I have looked up to you in your healthy ways for a while now. I am 24 and have had 3 perfect boring text book complication free natural pregnancies and deliveries. I found out in April of 2018 I was pregnant and already 8 weeks along. I was a bit bummed because although I wanted to wait till after summer to get pregnant so I could look good in a swim suite for the first time since I was 19. I also was really excited because we want a large family. I had a really hard time during the first trimester. I was really sick and had lots of random bleeding. Got put on bed rest a couple of times even. But somehow I made it through the first trimester. At 23 weeks I go in to get the anatomy ultrasound and find out if it is a girl or a boy. I am told the baby has no heart beat and is measuring at 20 weeks. It has been 8 days since I found out 7 days since I delivered a little life less body. I dont know how to feel emotionally. But physically I am sick, bleeding alot. Dizzy, lightheaded extreme cramps. I have never experience postpartum like this with my 3 full term deliveries. My heart hurts, I put on a good face to get through the day. I have other children who need me. My Husband is so supportive, but I still feel alone in this process. With everyone saying there so sorry. I dont know how to even respond. Thank you for sharing your story. Its nice to know what im feeling is not unusual.

    • Thank you for sharing your story. So very sorry for your loss.

  5. I’m so sorry for your loss. Upon reading your story, it triggered my own grief and I could not write this comment until today. When your book came out, I was 46, one month shy of 47 and just found out that I was pregnant. At the time, our daughters were 22, 21, 12, and 11, the younger 2 through adoption. We had longed for more, but secondary infertility seemed to be our fate. My husband and I experienced such joy even though we knew the high risk for miscarriage given my age, the recent diagnosis of Hashimoto’s thyroiditis, and history of low progesterone. I had been working on healing Hashimoto’s and had finally balanced progesterone levels when I discovered the pregnancy. We were so very grateful, but ever cautious to the point of not wanting to purchase your book, just in case. I decided to buy it anyway and had a lovely read. I hesitated to bring it along the 2 hour ride to my NaPro physician to confirm the pregnancy. It’s a beautiful book. We did announce the news to our friends and family as the baby was already present, though in utero and asked them to pray for us regardless of the outcome. During the 6th week of pregnancy on Mother’s Day, my oldest daughters presented me with a beautiful bouquet. It had 5 different flowers, one from each of my children with Baby’s breath from the baby. Well, at 7 weeks I was miscarrying. My birthday was very difficult as I was required to continue to do lab work to confirm HCG count was 0. Attending Mass was particularly difficult in the months to come as the nearness of Christ in the Holy Eucharist would make me weep. I would shake and cry in my pew ever so silently, knowing that my baby was with God and that I missed her so much. I wondered how I was going to get through the beautiful wedding of our eldest daughter that August. During that season of mourning, we received so many letters and kindness of support. Our baby was due during the Octave of Christmas 2017. That December, a nearby parish had a memorial Mass for parents who had lost children. It was particularly difficult. This past May 2018, the weekend of Mother’s day, my second oldest graduated from college. The celebrant at Mass reminded everyone not to fret about those who had gone before us and thus could not be at the graduation for they were present. So now I look forward to being with all those saints, especially my own.
    God bless you!

  6. I can so relate to the above. I had a miscarriage as well, last year Decemeber. My husband and I were devastated. It was our 1st pregnancy and neither of our immediate family members had any miscarriages. I was 7 weeks. The pain and blood is something I will never forget… I’ve reached acceptance and made peace with it as I know God will never put us through anything we cannot handle. And I’ll meet my baby one day in heaven❤. I haven’t told many people. The only people that knows about my miscarriage are immediate family members and 3 friends. It’s not that I’m ashamed to speak about it but I just feel like it’s a private thing. I know it’s not easy but it does get easier with time even though I’ll never forget the baby I lost. ❤

  7. Thank you for your story. It’s something that people are unaware of until they experience it and it gives us a totally new perspective. I’ve had two miscarriages and found out that I have a blood clotting disorder. We have now dealt with our emotions, figured out a plan and are ready to try again. We know that God is good and that he will allow us to be parents, even if they are not our biological children.

    Thank you again!

  8. Reading your story was like reading my own. Except, all that happened to me at 23; within the first six months of my marriage. I got my first BFP one month after I got married and started bleeding the next day. The bleeding continued for 3-4 days. I had never been more heartbroken before that point. I had had sore boobs, slight nausea, and fatigue. Well, two weeks later the symptoms hadn’t really gone away and my boobs just got sorer and sorer. So I got a blood test done and I was definitely pregnant with a 700 HCG result. I had an ultrasound and saw a 5 week old baby. We went again at 8 weeks and saw our beautiful baby and heard a 153 bpm heartbeat. Everything seemed perfect. I was growing and nauseous and sooo tired. At about 10ish weeks my nausea went away and my fatigue lessened. I figured I was getting close to the second trimester and things were just easing up like they should. I went in for my 11 week appt. and they couldn’t find a heartbeat with a Doppler so they checked with an ultrasound and could not find a heartbeat and our baby was measuring at 8ish weeks. We got the news on Monday. I started spotting on Thursday afternoon which turned into full blown bleeding that evening. By 3am I was experiencing contractions that lasted about a minute with maybe a minute in between. My dear husband was there with me the whole time rubbing my back and telling me to breath through it. It was so bad I thought several times about calling an ambulance. At 9 am my water finally broke. I had passed everything by 10 or 11 am. My husband made a coffin and we bought a peace lily and buried our child under it. It was the hardest thing I have ever done. It was so hard to let go of the baby I had carried for 12 weeks (the day I passed everything was the day I would have been 12 weeks). I was such a mess but it was also beautiful and we were comforted to know our child was with God. We named the baby Israel because it means “struggles with God”.

  9. Thank you for writing this. I will never know if we were lucky or unlucky that our first pregnancy resulted in a miscarriage. From the moment that I took the (5) pregnancy tests, something always felt a little bit off about my pregnancy. The tests were so faint that I had to get a blood test to confirm and then it just felt surreal. At the time, I attributed this to needing to process becoming a parent but in hindsight I wonder if my body was subconsciously telling my brain that this might not be right. We told everyone we could find starting at 5 weeks that we were pregnant – we bought a cute onesie to announce it to my in-laws and talked about it to everyone who would listen. My pregnancy symptoms felt odd but they were still there – I was a little nauseous, really tired and had mega heartburn. My symptoms started to fade a little bit which created a nagging sensation in my brain but I knew that I wouldn’t miscarry because miscarriages surely happened to other people but not me – I could not imagine that I could lose my baby.

    Then at 11 weeks pregnant I started spotting. Immediately I started bawling, despite my wonderful husband being incredibly optimistic that everything was going to be fine – our baby was almost 12 weeks and he was sure that he was big and strong. When we went in for the ultrasound we found out that we had had a missed miscarriage, baby had stopped growing at 8 weeks and 5 days. The devastation was indescribable – a feeling that I believe only other moms and dads who have experienced the loss of a child can understand. It took several weeks and rounds of medication to naturally pass our baby and it was months before I felt emotionally stable.

    What I most worried about was that everyone would forget our baby. Even though this tiny little creature had brought us immense joy for the few weeks we knew they were there, I worried that the only legacy our baby would leave would be a sad one. What helped me heal was to think of those few weeks we got to spend with baby as precious and meaningful. Even though we will never know if baby was a boy or a girl, what they would have looked like, who they would have been, we had weeks of such joy and happiness imagining their future which I will always be grateful for.

    • Thank you for sharing your story. So very sorry for your loss.

  10. I wish we could sit down for coffee and chat! I can relate to your story in so many ways. I will cut to the chase. My husband had a vasectomy reversal Sept. 2015. I became pregnant just 6 weeks later! I thought the Lord had blessed us and never thought I would hear the words, “There is no heartbeat.” I carried the baby for a few weeks and after multiple ultrasounds to be sure, we opted for a D&C. The grief was horrible, and I took a few months to grieve. We felt led to try again, became pregnant, and We were blessed with baby Andrew on December 6, 2016. We brought him home exactly one year to the day we lost our previous baby. I was a week away from 39, and my husband was 50! We have two children together in their late teens! The vasectomy was a hasty decision we regretted.God is good! I praise Him for His grace to preserve my body to have a baby in His timing! I am now 40, and my husband is 51, and would love to welcome another child!

  11. Thank you so much for sharing. I am learning about your miscarriages after watching your big news video.

    Just after we got married we started trying for a baby the first time I got pregnant we had a missed miscarriage . although we waited for my body to realize it , nothing happened. I ended up spending the next month trying misoprostal and then finally did a d and c .

    About a year later after some much needed healing we got pregnant again and had a rainbow baby girl.

    We then had a natural miscarriage while trying for number two. Now we have a 3months old rainbow baby boy .

    I am so happy you are now expecting your rainbow baby. You are so right no matter if you know the statistics it’s still so hard when it happens to you ❤️

  12. Thank you so much for sharing this! I just saw your YouTube “Big News” announcement and am so excited for you and your family. I bought your book last year and completed it in record time– wonderful content and so helpful and easy to read!
    There were tears streaming down my face as I watched your big news clip and then came over to read this article because I, too, experienced miscarriage the same year you did and the same year I read your book. It has changed how I live my life and I think about it every day. Thank you for adding to my life YOUR story and insight. You are a blessing.

  13. HI Mama Natural. I’m so sorry to hear about your miscarriages. I’m learning about your miscarriages the same day that I’m learning about you being 20 weeks pregnant! I’ve wondered where you went. I love your videos sooooo much! I also know the heartache of a missed miscarriage.

    2 years ago, after more than 10 years of trying, I finally became pregnant after transferring a donated embryo. We knew it was a boy because genetic testing had been done prior to transfer. I held off on getting any ultrasounds because of my concerns about their safety. At 12 weeks, I had my first ultrasound and discovered that the baby had passed.

    Yes, it is a very lonely feeling. I learned through the experience that miscarriage is birth. I went through labor and passed the pregnancy. I ended up needing a D&C 5 weeks later. Luckily, a great doctor performed it and I was awake and got to see the embryo sac which was still inside.

    Through that miscarriage, we learned that I had a uterine septum which most likely caused the miscarriage and infertility. I’ve had surgery to correct it and am well on my way to a successful pregnancy. I’m older than 42, so I’ve got you beat there!

    I love your family so much and find so much joy, inspiration, healing and advice from your videos and blogs. I hope that you share your pregnancy journey with us via You Tube so that we can cheer you and baby on as the days go on. I’m right behind you.

    Please keep me in your prayers that my dream will finally come true this next round of IVF.

    Blessing and love!! Can’t wait to meet your next sweet little miracle!

    jackie

    • So sorry for your loss. Our thoughts are with you as you pursue your dream to motherhood ❤️

  14. I am currently 33 weeks pregnant with my sweet rainbow baby girl. I’ve struggled with infertility, 2 miscarriages, and a full term stillborn. It definitely is a real test of faith, but if God brings you to it, He’ll bring you through it.

  15. It is a real tragedy. With each miscarriage I lost the dream of that little one. Lost the things that I imagined, how my kid will look like, what name he or she will have. It is such a devastating feeling! Times after miscarriage can be really hard, I must say. I know that a lot of women were at the same place. It turns out to be such a big group! I`m sure that it gives strength to those of us who are going through it now to know they are not alone. Furthermore, I believe that there is light on the other side of even this kind of tragedy. I was 38 y.o. when we started to try to create a miracle. But there were fail after fail and 5 miscarriages later! I felt like this was never going to happen! One day we decided to use the help of Ukrainian reproductive clinic because we were almost giving up. My husband read somewhere that there is one pretty good center for human reproduction in Kiev. You know, that was like the last chance for us! Even though the program cost nearly 30k euro it worth all this money. I can’t believe but it seems that I’m 28 weeks now with a healthy baby girl!

  16. I am so sorry for your losses. It is a club that is so warm and welcoming but one that I would never want to invite a friend to be a part of. I had a MMC with my first positive pregnancy test and it was pretty earth shattering. It really took the glee out of pregnancy, but here I sit, 39 weeks pregnant awaiting my rainbow. I am so glad that you got yours as well! It really resonated when you said you had to help your friends/family through their emotions. I am on the app/site Fertility Friend and that was a HUGELY supportive group of women that got me through the processing part. Sending much love.

  17. My very first pregnancy ended in a miscarriage. My husband and I had been married for about a year and we weren’t trying to have a baby yet, but we were both so excited and started planning and reorganizing the house. I was only about five weeks and I started bleeding A LOT and cramping really badly. Then just like that I was not pregnant anymore. We decided to try again with no luck. Month after month passed and still no baby. We lost our baby is July and it was now December at the Christmas Eve service at church. I was heartbroken. I couldn’t take the “when are yout going to join the mommy club?” comments anymore. No one knew how badly I wanted a baby and how hard we had been trying. I was suffering in silence. I was also fuming. I was so angry with God for letting that happen to me. Why wasn’t I a mother yet? Would I ever be a mother? When the song The First Noel came on during service, I didn’t feel like singing along. I was hurting. All of a sudden, almost audibly, I heard “You will be a mother and Noel will be the name of your first child.” I was so washed over with joy and peace. It was the best I had felt in months. Sure enough, I found out I was pregnant in February and my beautiful daughter Noel Katherine was born in October. I am writing this while I rock my seven month old daughter to sleep and I am so thankful. I cannot express my joy!

  18. I was so ecstatic to hear of your pregnancy, which I watched on YouTube this morning while getting ready for work. I was heartbroken for you when you went on to describe your miscarriages. I have never experienced a miscarriage, but after getting pregnant with my first on our first try I thought it would be easy again for baby number two. Two years later we still didn’t have a baby. I stopped buying the single pregnancy tests and just bought the strips you can get in bulk off amazon. I had my hormones tested, my husband had multiple semen analyses, I took medication and gave myself shots in the stomach and underwent iui all to no avail. It was a heart breaking and trying two years. Then two months after I stopped all treatment, I decided to just focus on other things and getting healthy. I changed my diet and started exercising and focused on getting healthier and I got my first positive. I was in disbelief and shock. It was one of the happiest moments of my life. I cried with joy. I’m now holding my precious long awaited for baby who is now five months in my arms. I’ve been so blessed and so have you. Congratulations and love every minute of it!!!

  19. I watched your pregnancy videos when I was pregnant with my first, born in June 2014.
    As he got older, he loves watching Paloma updates. I got a second baby last year, a girl.
    I am kind of like you after Paloma. 2 pregnancy, 2 tests, healthy children. I guess I am lucky. My husband says to leave it this way… but I would love another one. I know it’s crazy. I have hyperemesis gravidarum. Baby due in June, I am still vomiting in may. That’s why I don’t really enjoy being pregnant. But the outcome is just so sweet and adorable.
    I am glad you have your rainbow, just watches your video this morning and looked up this story. I think I am still pretty hormonal, I shed some tears.

  20. My first pregnancy was a normal miscarriage, and I only know because I passed so many clots. My second pregnancy ended in a missed miscarriage. I just had a feeling I was pregnant, without symptoms, and took a test. I actually took 4 tests, and they were all positive. I had an appointment around 12 weeks and found out the baby didn’t have a heartbeat and had stopped developing around week 7. After that appointment I was devastated and I actually started miscarrying at work a few days later. It was so bad I had to be picked up and taken to the ER because the bleeding was uncontrollable. And even after all of that I still had to have a D&C because my body didn’t let go of everything by itself. It was terrible.

    I tell everyone about my story because nobody talks about miscarriage. It’s only been a year and I’m still grieving. And everyone seems to think miscarriage only happens to sick women, or older women… I’m 20, I was 19 when both of these happened. I feel like sharing my story and potentially helping another grieving mother is the right way to honor my baby jellybeans. That, and a tattoo next to my heart ❤️

  21. Thank you for sharing your story. The miscarriage I had was an early one like your first one. I got a positive pregnancy test a day or two before my missed period. A few days later I started bleeding. If we hadn’t been trying I probably would have thought it was a period. What shocked me about my experience was the response of the medical community. I saw a different doctor because my midwife wasn’t available and she laughed it off. The others I saw said they couldn’t say it was a miscarriage because they didn’t see me before hand and confirm that I was pregnant. My first appointment was scheduled a few days after my misscarriage. I feel like their response of making me feel like it didn’t matter or that it wasn’t real made things worse. I’m glad that there are women willing to talk about their experiences and help others going through the same thing. Thank you for helping to not make this a taboo subject.
    I saw your video announcing your new baby who’s due later this year and I wanted to read your story. My rainbow baby is now 14 months. Congrats on your new little one!

  22. I had a miscarriage almost four years ago, it was as painful as it could be. I was 25, healthy and although we had some complications financially at that time we were so excited to welcome our first child. Now I’m almost 30 and I’m feeling ready to try again. I bought your pregnancy guide before it was launched, and I hope to re-read it week by week soon. So so happy to hear you’re expecting a beautiful and healthy human being soon. XOXO Raquel

  23. I’m so sorry! I’ve had 9 total 2 still births and 7 early misscarage that was in the first 15 weeks! It’s never easy but keep praying and you’ll find the answer!

  24. I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m also very grateful for your courage to share this heartbreak. My husband and I have lost two babies before birth. For me, it has been so difficult that people refer to it as “loosing a pregnancy” or “just a miscarriage” as if there was no actual baby that died that needed to be acknowledged. I too believe that one day we will meet these children in heaven. Their lives matter even though they were cut short. This may already have been mentioned in other comments, but you can honor a child lost before birth with a service and life certificate at http://www.memorialfortheunborn.org

  25. My husband and i realized we were pregnant with our first child New Years Eve 2017. Sore breast and nausea gave me a hint before we took a test something was going on. We went in January 10th for our 8week sonogram and instantly feel in love with our baby as we heard his heartbeat. Our 2nd sonogram February 16th we found out there was no longer a heartbeat and our world came crashing down. So many emotions ran through our heads as we experienced the most painful heartache we’ve ever endured. I didn’t want to pass our baby naturally because I couldn’t Imagine emotionally and physically putting myself throught that. So I had the D&C procedure February 20th. I wanted to still be pregnant and on some level felt I was in denial still I wanted the procedure to be over with so I didn’t have to emotionally go through the pain of carrying my baby with no heartbeat. Through it all our faith is what truly has helped us get through this. Although it is incredbily difficult to go through I know the Lord is by our side and in each moment of darkness there is still so much to be thankful for. I was thankful that for a few months I was able to experience and carry our baby even for the short amount of time. Thankful for the support of my doctor, family and friends. I prayed for strength and I prayed that Although I didn’t understand I trusted him now more than ever. What has also helped me is to journal each emotion and thought. WhenI feel like crying I cried, when I feel sad I am sad, I allow myself to feel each emotion as it comes. I journal what I wished my life would of been with a healthy growing baby inside or what I dreamed he would look like, what type of parents we would be, and if he loved football as much as his dad and I do….I experience some normal days whenI feel almost back to my full self others I am very emotional.It’s a process and everyone going through this should take as much time as they feel to grieve because it’s a baby you’ve lost. Although I still find myself thinking of the what ifs I know in my heart that our day will come when we will be parents and get to hold our baby.

    • So sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing your story.

  26. I’m so sorry for your losses, thank you for sharing this part of your story.

    We’ve been trying to conceive our first for 13 years, after being told it was impossible to conceive naturally, we did though! Our elation turned to devastation and we lost the baby a week after finding out we were pregnant. It hurts, but now, more than ever we are full of hope.

    Jesus still does miracles ❤️

  27. I’m so sorry you had to go through this. It’s such a hard experience, but one I think many more woman experience than we realize because it’s not talked about much. I’m on my fourth pregnancy, but my first two ended early at 6 weeks with miscarriages. It’s such a sad thing to go through, but I take comfort in the fact that I will meet them one day in heaven. I have a beautiful 2 1/2 year old boy and another boy due this year in June. I got pregnant with my son immediately after my second miscarriage (none of my first three pregnancies were planned, so it was a surprise to get pregnant again so soon) and it was so sad because we weren’t even excited because we were so worried about whether I would miscarry again. My doctor wasn’t even very optimistic. But by God’s grace I had a healthy pregnancy and healthy baby boy. Even this pregnancy I had to deal with anxiety the first trimester wondering what would happen. I’m glad to be able to feel my baby moving and kicking now because that gives me a lot of comfort. But my ultimate source of comfort is the Lord. God is good and I trust Him, and He loves us so much.

  28. I was told that I couldn’t have no babies and my boyfriend was told that he could make no babies well we had our first baby 6 months ago lost it at 8 weeks that was the hardest thing for both of us and we found out a couple days ago that we’re pregnant again and we’re hoping and praying this one makes it always kept care of my nieces and nephews and my cousin’s babies and I want to feel how it feels keeping care of my own baby

    • So sorry for your loss. Best of luck to you moving forward.

  29. As I read your story, it reminded me of what I had been through several years ago at almost the exact same age you are. After never experiencing a diagnosed miscarriage before the age of 40, we had three over a 14 month period. The first two were lost early on, but the third was almost identical to what you experienced. While my progesterone levels were low and I had been placed on supplements, we had seen the heartbeat of the thrid child on ultrasound. I had a lot of nausea and was starting to ‘show,’ when at 10 weeks the bleeding started and we found out that our precious little one had died. It was devastating, and we did not know whether or not I would be able to carry to term again. Thankfully, a few months later, I found out I was pregnant again. Whle the progesterone levels were low again, because of complications we went through with the previous miscarriage- I had retained part of the placenta and had to have a D&C a week after the natural miscarriage, as I was becoming anemic due to the blood loss and also to prevent infeciton- we decided not to use the supplements this time. For us, it was the right decision, and this time I carried to full term and delivered a healthy child at the age of 43. Pregnancy is more difficult when you are in your 40’s, but also possible, if it is within God’s will. I hope this provides some encouragement to you and anyone else who is experiencing multiple miscarriages. Thank-you for sharing your story!

  30. I just adore you, Mama Natural. 🙂 Love your three things each week. 🙂 And love that you love my home state of Florida so much! But mostly I love that you write with such light. 🙂 I miscarried at 13 weeks last week and immediately thought of your post you recently published. We also had a missed miscarriage and were (and are still) so, so sad. It would have been our fourth child but we know the plans are bigger and my body did what it needed to do for now. xoxoxo

  31. I had two miscarriages in 2017. Both were missed miscarriages after hearing our babies’ heartbeats on an ultrasound just weeks before. I haven’t been able to share my story as openly because, quite frankly, people were just horrible about it either blaming me or giving me all of those terrible “at least” statements. I kept my second loss an absolute secret and it’s been such a struggle. I’m praying that this year we’ll be able to conceive our rainbow baby. Thank you for sharing your story.

    • So sorry for your loss. May 2018 be the year of the rainbow babies!

  32. So, so sorry for your losses. Thank you for sharing. Your articles have been a great deal of help to me over the past few months. So sorry you have to know this pain. I know the surreal feeling all to well.

    I’ve gotten pregnant twice, both miscarriages. We were so thrilled when we decided to start trying and got pregnant right away. Just to see blood a couple weeks later.

    Our second pregnancy was even more exciting, it happened just one cycle after the miscarriage, we had our rainbow baby! Surely it wouldn’t happen again. I went in for a 10 week ultrasound just to find out the baby had died at 7w 5d. My heart sank. I refused any medical intervention, and watched for signs of infections. I didn’t pass the pregnancy until I was “technically” 15 weeks pregnant!! I waited 5 weeks for it to pass, the baby had died over 7 weeks before. But, for those wanting to wait it out and avoid potentially dangerous medical intervention…your body does figure it out. I’ve never been in actual labor, but that had to be close! I had contractions for two days, I threw up because of the pain once, and at one moment I actually thought I was going to die when a contraction had lasted over an hour. But, once it all passed I felt great (in comparison). And my husband was there to take care of me.

    We learned a lot from these two losses. Mostly how precious EVERY life is. And how life and children are truly gifts from God. We hope to one day have sweet babies earth side.

    Praying for the best in your future!

  33. I had a miscarriage last year in oct on my birth day. it was and ectopic pregnancy I was 2 month pregnant. I had emergency surgery because my tube had ruptured and I had lost so much blood I had been bleeding for 3 day internally I never knew what was going on I had cramps and sharps pains in my side. a year later I found out the say day I lost my sweet baby that I was pregnant again….. I didn’t know what to think I just lost my father and I was pregnant I didn’t know what to feel I was so scared I would lose this on im still scared I will lose my baby but im excited because I just found out it is a sweet baby girl and she will be named after my father. I have hope finally that this baby will be safe and healthy my rainbow baby

  34. I had a partial molar pregnancy at the beginning of this year (May 29th). I went for my 13 week scan and no heartbeat. I was devastated. I found out yesterday I am pregnant again and I am terrified. Because of my previous miscarriage I am getting an early scan in 2 weeks to check if my pregnancy is viable. I dont think I will sleep till then. Thank you for sharing your story.

    • So sorry for your loss. Congratulations on your pregnancy, I hope and pray that all goes well!

  35. Thank you so much for sharing your story. Every story I read helps me know a little bit more that I am not alone. After my miscarriage this past August at 12weeks due to a hemorrhage in my uterus. I felt so alone. I was more mad at my body. That my body couldn’t take the bleeding anymore and “cleaned” itself out baby included. By God’s grace he has given me so much peace. I am so grateful. With Thanksgiving past and Christmas coming. I’m reminded again of the baby I am not pregnant with anymore. It’s also hard because my sister in law and I were pregnant at the same time with due dates 2 weeks apart. Seeing her at thanksgiving brought sadness to my heart. God is good all the time. He brings beauty from pain.

  36. Genevieve,
    Thank you for sharing your story and I’m so sorry for what you’ve been through. I’ve been followinf your blog for five years and it’s helped me so much. Though I’m not pregnant, I recently bought your book to share with others. I read some parts of it and oh, do I love it! I wish I had it seven years ago when I was expecting my first child.
    Thank you so much for the incredible work you do. Blessings of joy and health to your family.

  37. Thank you for so openly sharing your journey through your miscarriages. God be with you all. On hopeful and positive note I work for an MD who specializes in natural hormone health and she helped lots of women over 40 carry through their pregnancies. It’s obvious you do not have fertility issues, but just low hormones specifically progesterone, which is the hormone that strengthens the uterine lining. I highly recommend you get your levels tested. Many of our female patients just need a few concentrated amounts vial injection (we use pure forms of yam based progesterone) and they have happy and healthy babies. Please look into your levels and even your thyroid levels too. Many of us deplete our p levels due to stress and poor diet (your diet seems very healthy), which can drastically alter levels and cause many miscarriages. You are very fertile so don’t lose hope.

  38. I’m so sorry for your losses. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.

    We were diagnosed with unexplained infertility and went on to have two children that we lost to miscarriage. These were my first children, and it really felt like my entry into motherhood, but my friends and society at large did not acknowledge this. Being surrounded by “friends” who minimized the loss of my children down to a medical hiccup became excruciating lonely. I found it easier to not be around most people for the better part of 2 years, especially if I was feeling particularly vulnerable and raw. At church or out and about, women flippantly complaining about their kids would send me to the nearest bathroom in big fat ugly tears. I became angry, resentful, and envious of mothers who took their blessings for granted.

    For two years, I couldn’t worship, read the Bible, or pray without sobbing because it became such an elephant in the room between the Lord and I. I was confused and angry that the Lord would give us children after years of infertility only to take them away from us. Yet slowly (very slowly!), He put my broken heart back together in a way I could not. I struggled to reconcile the truth that He loves me and cares for me, and He is also sovereign over my circumstances. I’m grateful His love is bigger than my anger and accepts all my big emotions with understanding and compassion. I am also grateful for my children, even though I wish I could have been one to take care of them this side of eternity. I know God is a loving Father and takes care of my children more perfectly than I could have. And because of His sacrifice, I have the chance to meet them one day.

    My husband grieved beautifully alongside me. He grieved differently than me, but he was gracious and supportive as I grieved. He was always my safe space. Accepting that we grieved differently and on different timelines really helped us stay strong.

    We are now expecting again, and the loss of our two previous children have definitely colored our whole pregnancy journey this time around. This child is not our first child. Throughout the first trimester, I found myself fluctuating between a deep gratefulness and celebration for this child, but with one foot on the ground. Nothing is certain. We are now in the second trimester, and getting SERIOUSLY excited about this child. We are making the most of every moment in celebration, thanksgiving, and hope.

    To help make the topic of miscarriage less taboo, It’s my goal to be transparent even in light conversation with strangers when the topic of kids comes up. If someone who notices my bump asks me if this is my first, I tell them, “No.” If they ask further, I say I have two children who are no longer with us, and that we lost them by miscarriage. It definitely throws a bucket of ice cold water on the small talk, but hey, we got to start somewhere! And, more often than not I’m finding that really helps the other person open up about their experience with miscarriage as well.

    Thanks for sharing your story. Let’s keep talking about miscarriage so others can feel supported and understood in their grief!

  39. Hi Genevieve, thank you so much for sharing your story. I’ve relied so much on your website throughout my first pregnancy & all through this first year with kiddo #1. I recently miscarried #2 at 8 weeks and my first thought was, I wonder if Genevieve has any blogs/info on miscarriage. I didn’t realize you had experienced this recently as well. Love to you. Question – based on your research, what are your thoughts on how long to wait before trying again? I’m hearing a lot of conflicting timelines from doctors/friends/online. Just wondering your thoughts. Thanks <3

  40. Oh Genevieve,
    I started following you in my first pregnancy and turned my family natural throughout the experience of our son’s birth and infancy almost three years ago. You have responded to questions on natural living like when our son’s lip tie ended up in using natural dentistry to heal early early decay. I have to say that this past spring we went through a missed miscarriage at 11 weeks and the baby had died at 7 weeks. I felt pregnant forever and your story is haunting in its similarities to how it looks me two and a half weeks from the first ultrasound to pass my miscarriage naturally. Words can’t describe the grief and sadness and anger that swirled. All under denial I was carrying on after all taking care of a toddler who had just turned two and going through a move literally in the middle of the miscarriage.. Life has settled we have settled and after a season of mourning we have tried again and are early pregnant ; ). In reading this I felt such heartbreak and sadness and solidarity. I do not wish to that we shared such grief, but I know as you know that our angels are really waiting for us to hold and love on when we reach the other side. I’m sending so much love! I also just took my lactation consulting boards and have worked as a mother baby nurse for the past almost four years and am now venturing out into a more natural approach. I would love to thank you for that inspiration of natural ways and offer any help and support ; ). Blessings.

  41. Genevieve, thank you for your honesty by sharing your story. I always look forward to your updates and Thursday emails. This update left me breathless. Thank you for giving Him glory during your trial and knowing how deep our Father in heaven loves you. Peace to you my sister. Prayers are with you and your beautiful family. ♡

  42. I am so terribly sorry for your losses 🙁 I can relate, as I, too, experienced a missed miscarriage my first time being pregnant. I was almost 9 weeks along when the doctor confirmed what my body did not know. I felt all the pregnancy symptoms, nausea all day, and would test positive on every pregnancy test that I took – and yet, my baby was not there. I waited and waited for my body to miscarry naturally – and also secretly praying for a miracle, but knowing that was not likely … eventually the doctors told me, after confirming again that my baby was gone, that my body did not know what to do – and I needed to have a D&C before I started to experience complications. It was the saddest time in my life. It was very hard for that to be my first pregnancy experience. It does steal your joy and innocence – and the next time I got pregnant with my precious rainbow baby, I could not allow myself to feel joy or excitement for a long time. I was so nervous to let my heart break like that again. By God’s grace – my Rainbow Baby boy was born healthy. When he was 2, we got pregnant again, though we were not trying. I was nervous – were we ready to have another?! But also so excited – the only way you can be when there is new life growing inside you. But sadly – a few days after my positive pregnancy test – I started to bleed, and experienced what they call a chemical pregnancy. I experienced the whole range of emotions again. Sadness, anger, and so on. I couldn’t believe this was happening to me again. But God’s grace allowed us to have another Rainbow Baby, a girl this time 🙂 She just turned 1 in August of this year.
    Pregnancy loss is an unspeakable pain.
    I am incredibly grateful for my two rainbow babies. They truly are gifts from God!
    I pray for God’s peace to wash over you and your family and know that my thoughts and prayers are with you.
    Love and Prayers,
    Jessica C.

  43. Thank you so much for sharing your story. I so appreciate your willingness to be vulnerable and also your commitment to God despite having such a traumatic experience. Thanks for your encouragement for the rest of us who have had miscarriages! Hang in there and keep trusting in God–He is and always will be there for you!

  44. Oh Genevieve – I’m so sorry for the losses of your babies. Thank you for sharing your story. You are honestly the LAST person I would ever expect to hear this from – your health and vitality are so evident in your videos (I’ve been following you for almost 7 years!). God bless you as you continue to heal. And may He guide you to continued health and wisdom in how to move forward with your family. <3

  45. I’m so glad you had the courage to share your story, Genevieve. And so sorry for your loss. As my friends related to me after I miscarried, the two most-misunderstood aspects were the emotional pain a mommy experiences even with very early miscarriage, and the physical trauma and recovery–how hard it is on the body, how much pain, how much you bleed. I bled more with my miscarriage sixteen years ago than I am right now recovering from birth, even though the miscarriage was only 7 weeks. And you never, never forget those babies. Next week it will be sixteen years. And I still remember the date, the day, the hour, what I did, how it happened. I remember my mom bringing a meal two days later, and my mom and dad and brothers sitting at the table to eat with my husband, while I laid on the sofa and rested…and cried. I still think of it that I could have a fifteen year old son…or daughter. Have you ever read the book Heaven is For Real, 4 year old Culton Burpo’s story? That’s when it became much more real to me that I really will meet my baby in heaven, it wasn’t just “tissue” or “a pregnancy,” but a real person!

  46. I am so so sorry for your losses. Sending you so much love, light and healing ?

  47. I’m SO sorry for your losses. I also had 3 miscarriages at age 41, and my husband were “oh well, we have healthy kids, guess we’re just too old for this”, and then I unexpectedly became pregnant again at age 42 (NFP failure), and had a completely normal pregnancy and home birth (just like the ones I had at younger ages), ending with a completely healthy little boy (who’s almost 2 now). YMMV, but I did want to offer my story as encouragement!

  48. Thank you so much for sharing your story about your two angel babies, Genevieve. It is so important to spread awareness to help support women who are experiencing, have experienced, or will experience loss. I am 29 years old. After months of fertility treatments, my husband and I conceived our first child, our Baby Micah, last December 2016, the same month you and Michael conceived your first angel. We were ecstatic and so naive, and of course we assumed everything would be fine and normal. I started worrying about how we would pay for daycare and wondering why I ever wanted to be pregnant in the first place once the dreading “morning” (for me it was constant) sickness and food aversions kicked in… but then when I was 9 weeks pregnant, we heard the same devastating words you mentioned in your article– “I’m sorry, but the news isn’t good… the baby has no heartbeat.” These were by far the cruelest and most confusing words ever to fall on our ears. They said our sweet Micah had gone to be with Jesus at 8 weeks, 4 days, just a few days different from when you lost your second angel. I cried every day for months and months. I was so bitter and angry with God. I work in healthcare, so every day at work I would see pregnant women putting all sorts of things into their bodies that they shouldn’t and wonder why their babies still survived and mine had not when I had been so careful with my diet and would not have dreamed of exposing my baby to such things. Pregnant women were everywhere I turned… at the grocery store, all over Facebook, at church… and each time I saw one, I wondered what they were doing right and why my baby had to die. Those were the darkest few months of my life. I don’t know what I would have done without the love and support of my husband, family, and the wonderful ladies in our church, many of whom have been through miscarriage(s) themselves.
    Last April we resumed our fertility treatments, and this past July, the Lord blessed us with our precious rainbow baby. I am now 18 weeks pregnant. This pregnancy has been so scary and filled with uncertainty, but we are entrusting this baby’s life to the Lord. We pray that this time things will turn out differently and we will be able to bring home our first living child next spring. We also must keep reminding ourselves that our children belong to the Lord and not to us. Nothing can happen to them outside what He allows. He loves them even more than we do, and His ways are higher than our ways and His thoughts higher than our thoughts!!!
    I don’t know what the Lord has in store for your family, but I pray He will grant you wisdom in deciding what to do next– whether to grow your family, and if so, what approach to take. I also pray for you and Michael for continued healing and comfort, as you will always miss and long for your two angels. I DO know this: the sweet children we have lost are safe in the arms of Jesus, laughing and playing together for eternity, and we WILL get to meet them one day! It makes Heaven that much sweeter, knowing we will finally meet them face to face when we enter His Kingdom 🙂 God bless.

  49. Thank you so much for sharing your story, Genevieve. It really does help. I’m one of the mamas-to-be who signed up for the week-to-week and then cancelled when I had a really early miscarriage last December. I got my positive tests (several–it took a few before I believed it!) and then started bleeding just a few days later. Even though it was so early, I was so, so excited and then so devastated. I think for so many of us, it can feel like we’re being dramatic or silly for being so crushed for a variety of reasons: it was so early, you already have kids, etc. But it’s so much easier when people do what you’re doing here: sharing your story, expressing your grief, and not apologizing for it. Thank you so much. You’ve helped me in so many ways and this is just another.

    P.S. The week-by-week updates did stop as soon as I cancelled them, but then when I got close to my would-be due date, I started getting some of the birth-related emails again (something along the lines of “You’re so close to meeting your baby now!) that I think we’re offering additional labor and postpartum tips. I guess getting taken of the week-by-week updates didn’t take me off the list for these. No big deal, but it definitely stung a little bit. Just an FYI if it’s something you ever wanted to look into fixing.

  50. Thank you so much for sharing!! I’m also so glad to learn about October being awareness month for child loss. When my daughter was one year, my husband and I had two miscarriages within about 3 Months. It was extremely early in the pregnancies, and Thank God they passed naturally. But it was so heartbreaking and discouraging. And we prayed and believed God for another child. And praise Jesus we conceived the following month after our last miscarriage. And we have our 10 month old son now, Immanuel (great reminder that God is with us!). He is a miracle. I remember just praying for every milestone to pass, first sonogram, and first trimester, etc. and God did it!!! Full term, 12 days passed due date, 9lb beautiful boy!! And we know that we will meet our two precious babies in heaven! Thank you again for sharing. It is sad that we often grieve miscarriage “silently”. But I’m grateful for when other women share their stories. Until our first loss I wasn’t aware of how common it is. Thank God for hope and healing in Jesus! God bless you!

    • I also wanted to add I’m so sorry for your losses!!! They are real!!!!

  51. Thank you so much for sharing your story. I hope many women find comfort that they are not alone and this is something that happens and is common. More people need to speak about it to raise awareness.

  52. Thank you so much for sharing your story Genevieve. It is not easy.

  53. I am so sorry Genevieve… you help so many women and one I turn to for inspiration and a trusted authority on so many things, you are incredible. you are an amazing Mother, you are Strong, you are inspirational. I have followed you through my pregnancy and now with a new born baby I love to see your youtube videos for inspiration, my little one watches them too sometimes. when it’s 4 am in the morning and my back is numb from rocking the baby I look forward to watching you and your beautiful family your tips as I pump milk for my baby. i’ve watched your children grow. Paloma is such a beauty!! i too had a miscarriage and an advanced maternal age so I can relate , now i have one precious child. but i think you are a more generous woman than me because you want to give more of yourself and have more babies. i too share your faith. keep strong and may God guide you and bless you and your beautiful family. i am so grateful for all the information and exhaustive research you share with all of us. lots of love and a bear hug. maddie

  54. I am so sorry, Genevieve and Michael. We love you. Hope you find healing through sharing your experiences.

  55. I’m so sorry for your loss, Genevieve. It breaks my heart to imagine how you and your husband must have felt. It is all in God’s hands at this point and, if He has a Rainbow Baby in store for you, then I am sure you will receive this blessing in God’s time! The only thing I can think of that might help is maca powder (from the Maca Team). I started taking the supplement to help with my hormonal balance because I had very short menstrual cycles (from stress and poor diet), and to support my energy levels as well. My husband also started taking it and I believe it had a huge impact (along with improved diet and exercise) on how well my body was prepared for healthy pregnancy. I became pregnant a few months after starting the supplement. Perhaps it would help you, especially at your age, to really stabilize your hormones, in case that is causing any difficulty with the pregnancies? That may or may not have anything to do with it, but I thought I would mention it, in case it could help you. I have not taken maca during my pregnancy, but I found it very helpful in preparation for pregnancy.

  56. Wow thank you for sharing. You’re definitely not alone. I was so excited to be pregnant for the first time. I’m a healthy 29 year old, no risk factors or medical history.. and I had been “preparing” for over a year reading about doing a birth center Home style birth, all the natural ways, etc. I bought your book before I was even pregnant! After a year and 2 months we found out we were pregnant on July 4th. Such joy. Bleeding at 8 weeks had me convinced it was a miscarriage but to our surprise the baby was fine and it was just a bleed. My midwives seemed content with it. I had zero nausea and great energy the whole way through. At 16 weeks 1 day I began cramping which progressed to premature rupture of membranes and a fully dilated cervix. We made it to 17 weeks and our baby girl was delivered into Heaven that day. One of the surprising but hardest parts has been grieving the loss of a “normal” healthy pregnancy that time as well as for the future. I will have to give up conservative midwife Care and be in the care of a high risk OBGYN and most likely plan for a cerclage for my incompetent cervix. God is good though. He gives and He takes away and we trust Him and His sovereignty. But at the same time it is difficult when you’ve had a plan to have a birth and pregnancy a certain way. I’m trying to relinquish that expectation and control. We are praying for a healthy future full term pregnancy with minimal intervention!! Thanks again for sharing <3

  57. Genevieve, I am so sorry and so sad. Through you experiencing this, and sharing this, I feel like I’ve really been awakened to the reality of this type of loss. I had heard of this of course, but now, since you feel so close to me through following your pregnancies since before I got pregnant myself, and all throughout my motherhood experience… this feels a lot more personal. Like it.s happened closer to me than it ever has before. And I am sure a lot of other women feel this way about you. So proud of you for sharing this. ?

  58. So sorry for your loss ? you and your family have been an inspiration and have admired you since you were pregnant with Griffin. I have done your online natural birth course, bought a few copies of your book and always looked forward to all your videos! I have too suffered missed miscarriages. It was sad and frustrating. I have trying to seek medical answers as to why but there was no medical reason why i had 2 miscarriages back to back. It only took one shot each time to get pregnant. I took a very healthy and holistic approach to my diet and lifestyle. You were my inspiration for all that. The only way i was able to move forward was staying in Gods word and talking to christian women that understood what i was going through and that prayed for me daily. We tried for the third time not knowing if we would actually get pregnant and one that would stick. A miracle happened when we finally were able to hear a heartbeat for the first time! I was over joyed and scared. My husband and i cried at that first ultrasound. We were thankful for whatever God had planned for us, whether we were able to meet this child or not, we had the joy of hearing a heartbeat. Once you go thru miscarriages it made this pregnancy very hard to enjoy the process. I was paranoid and scared. But i just had to remember that only God is in control and whatever he had planned i knew in my heart he had something great planned for us and this child! We were able to welcome our (3rd pregnancy) rainbow baby girl in may 2017. And she has been such a wonderful and amazing baby girl!!!! Gods plan is always good and there are seasons we must go through in order to truly appreciate all his glory. God knew the perfect time for us to become parents and it makes my heart happy that i will also get to see my 2 babies in heaven one day. Mama natural you are in my thoughts and prayers and God is leading you and your family to great things! God bless you and your family and your babies in heaven! ❤❤❤

  59. It is the most painful process for a Family to go through. My husband and I already had a beautiful and energetic 2.5 year old boy when we decided to give him a sibling. I had an AMAZING pregnancy with him, We had no problems falling pregnant, I had Nausea for 9 months and my labor though intense it was beautiful.
    I was 27 and I thought to myself this is great I’ll raise my kids as a young mom. We found out 2 weeks before Christmas that I was pregnant and thought it would be a nice surprise for our families to wait till Christmas to tell them. We did and it was amazing everyone was so excited as we were the only ones with a child and he was already so spoilt. I went for a scan on the 5th of January and heard our little Bean’s heartbeat. I was surprised to find out that I was already 8 Weeks pregnant. Unfortunately I was only able to go for another check up 6 weeks later and at 14weeks They couldnt find a heart beat. My world came crashing down around me. What had I done wrong? That is what kept going through my head. We had another 6 after that one that we didn’t tell anyone about because we saw the effect it had on everyone else as well as us and where we could fake our way through the pain when around our son other were not so easy to watch how they reacted around him. He was devastated as well but I reminded him that God needs little angels and a house full of laughter as well. He only knew about the first one as well because he didn’t want God to take anymore of his Babies (the logic of a 3 year old :))
    Last year was a rough year we had been through so much emotionally and we were having a few financial issues as well. My in-laws had just found out that my Father in Law’s company was closing and they wouldn’t be able to rent where they were anymore. We had spent a fortune doing all sorts of Tests to try find out what was causing the miscarriages but unfortunately in South Africa they don’t seem very worried about finding out the cause.
    I woke up one morning feeling like I had been hit by a bus. I thought I was coming down with a stomach flu. Lo and Behold the test was positive again. I turned to my husband and told him this would be the last time we would be trying. Needless to say I felt very detached from my pregnancy until the 12 week run of tests which I happened to do at 14 weeks again… That morning I struggled to breath I was going for a check up every 2 weeks because I was now considered a high risk. I was limited with my physical activity which isn’t easy when I was very active with my then 6 year old son. Gladly We got to tell our families finally that even though I was still a high risk pregnancy Our family was finally going to grow. My Son cried when we told him and insisted on going to every Dr appointment with me just to hear the Dr say that everything was fine and to hear the Doppler with the baby’s heartbeat.
    At the end of this very traumatic Tunnel came my second little boy who right through my pregnancy and labor made sure I new how hard I was working to have him in our lives. He was born at 36 weeks 2 days healthy and fat and exhausted and we came home the next day. People don’t understand why we kept trying but I had faith that there was an end to that tunnel no matter how long it was.

  60. My deepest condolences Genevieve. I, too, suffered a missed miscarriage in 2013. When I read your story, I wept- wept for you, for me, for all the parents that have lost a little one. There are no words to describe the pain.

  61. So sorry! I always wondered after you said you were 2 and done…sorry for your losses though. Truly a difficult time.

  62. Oh Mama,
    I read your book the SECOND it came out. In fact we are one of the couples pictured holding the book! We found out we were pregnant in August and we lost the baby in September. Apparently its true what they say about being “SUPER FERTILE” after a miscarriage because we conceived two weeks after the MC (woopsie) …just found out i am pregnant last week. Praying for a sticky bean (or two 😉 this time around)
    Will be re-reading your book and all your posts again. You are such an amazing woman. Both my husband and I admire you and all that you stand for. I am so sorry to hear you went through this, breaks my heart reading this post but it just adds to my admiration of you and your family. Thank you for all your Three things for thursdays, and emails and texts and the book! You rock Mama Natural

  63. God is good, no matter what. This world is far from the perfection He originally created and all areas of life are affected. We lost our second baby on February 3 2017. I was 6 weeks and had known for about a week. But then the bleeding started…I knew something was wrong but I hoped and prayed…but I knew. Early in the morning I went to the bathroom where my body rapidly labored and passed the baby. Oh the heartache, it was just like labor but no baby afterwards. That reality hit me hard having just given birth to our first February 13 2016, a healthy natural birth. I still struggle with the mental, emotional and spiritual effects that death and loss leave in its wake. But the Lord has given me a Psalm that I hold onto Psalm 139. We conceived the very next ovulation after our loss and I’m now 36 weeks 5 days. But I must say this pregnancy I’ve suffered from fear, doubt, unbelief and lack of faith. But I know that through all our experiences in this life we have the choice to seek the Lord or turn away from Him. I’m doing my best to seek Him, trust, believe and have faith. I must choose to read, know and believe His Word because it is the truth. Death is painful and kindles within us such a sense of outrage because it is not what we were created for. May the Holy Spirit minister to all who have lost and may we all come to know the Lord more deeply through our trials. I might add one last thing, please do NOT try to make it better or fix it by telling mama’s who have lost a baby that it’s okay because their baby’s in heaven. I’m a christian, a believer in Jesus the Son of God, but ladies when I shared my pain with other believers and got that canned response, that band-aid slapped onto my broken heart, I was enraged. I have learned from this experience that people need space to talk about their pain and be heard. But they do NOT need me or anyone else to fix it with some reason why it’s okay. And when you loose a baby there is a very real spiritual struggle in which God is the only one a person wants to/can receive true consultation from. The rest of us are only responsible to love those suffering, not trying to explain it or make it better. I’m sorry for the losses so many have experienced and I am grateful to Genevieve for sharing and opening up the topic for conversation.

  64. Dear Sweet Genevieve,

    I’ve been following your family’s journey for years. This breaks my heart and I am truly sorry for the losses of your babies. Those angels will be waiting to greet their amazing mommy in heaven. If you have not read the book “Heaven is for Real” I highly suggest you do. It’s a true story about a child’s journey to heaven and touches on miscarriage and how they really will be there ready to greet you as that journey in your life begins. God bless you.

  65. Thank you for sharing with us. When I have read your blog over the past few years I have said to myself–that gal should have another baby ! Even though the loses were hard, I know you have grown and learned. That is what life’s experiences should do for us. I have 12 children ages 26 -3 . I also have 5 losses , one was a stillborn. God showed me so many things about motherhood and Himself during those losses. I really need to write a book about it ! I am so grateful for the living children , but I also look forward to meeting all the others in heaven.
    I have had 4 children in my 40’s and 3 miscarriages in my 40’s also. I am 50 now and almost done potty training the last. Soon I can carry a purse instead of a diaper bag ! Whoo-hoo ! But I would not take back a single year, a single child, or a single loss. It has been a great journey………..still on the path…… : )

  66. Thank you for sharing your stories of loss and big hug. Our story: After 20 years together, my husband and I decided to start trying, I was 38. The first stick I ever peed on was positive! We were thrilled but at just over 6 weeks I woke up bleeding and knew the baby was gone (Nov 10, 2010). We kept trying and in late January we had another plus sign but again on February 1st at work I started bleeding again and knew another angel had left us. We were hearrbroken but knew we could easily get pregnant and now the baby fever was fierce. We also felt that due to my age and the almost 2 decades I was on the Pill that my body may have been preparing itself with these losses. I did start taking progesterone. In March, we were positive again and November 21, 2011 our son was born. Two years later at 41, his sister was born on December 8th.

  67. I’m so sorry for your losses. I had a missed miscarriage March 2016, went in for a 10 week scan after having light spotting which they considered normal. The baby had stopped growing at 7 weeks. I too held out for natural miscarriage and my word the pain was real but it felt good in a weird way. We named our baby Michaela Renee (not knowing the gender). We figured if it was a boy it could easily be Michael. We liked the meaning of the name and like you we eagerly await the day we’ll meet in Heaven.

  68. I didn’t know you had a miscarriage. I thought you stopped trying after Paloma. Miscarriage are so many emotions together. We had one after a very healthy boy. I was 15weeks when I lost her and I just knew because I stopped feeling her and one day after I started with the blood. I prayed I wouldn’t lose her but I just knew. I was at the beach in holiday with my mum hubby and son and at the end of that day after real laboratory pains I got in the shower with my son and literally catches my baby as she came out of my body placenta and all. It was very sad. We went to the sea to let her go. Later back home my dr told me that miscarriages are God’s way of getting rid of babies that would have had many phsyological problems if they ever were born. And God is very wise God or mother nature. Six months later we tried (dr said to wait a some cycles so hormones went back to normal and would lower chances of another miscarriage) first month we tried I felt pregnant and then had a very long and painful period which I think was another miscarriage and then 2 months later I got pregnant. It was a very difficult pregnancy but we know have 2 healthy boys and one baby girl in heaven..so when people ask me if I’m going to try for my third I say I already had one.

  69. God loves us ? and has a plan for each of us

  70. I’m so sorry for your losses. I hope you are able to move forward in the best way possible from this very sad time in your life. A Heilkunst practionner should be able to help you resolve the causes of your miscarriages through safe natural medicine, if you did decided to try again. http://arcanum.ca/ I loved seeing the picture of Griffin and Paloma at the end, she has grown up so much! Such beautiful children!

  71. Thank you for sharing your personal story with all of your followers.
    I too, suffered two miscarriages following my 3rd child. We know our hope is in Him alone and our babies are playing with each other in heaven. Oh what a day it will be when we meet them, right!
    May He continue to heal your hearts. It does take time and it will get better. We named our babies (not even knowing their sex) and the children talk about seeing them in Heaven one day. This has been very healing for us.

  72. Thank you so much for sharing your story! I have never had a miscarriage, but I have many friends who have suffered losses. I truly think that we need to speak more about these experiences and remember those babies. Also, I would be interested to see if you can pinpoint the cause if you are ever able to draw a correlation. God bless you, your family and those angel babies!

  73. I am so sorry for your losses. It is a heartbreaking experience. My rainbow baby will be 2 in January and he is such a blessing. I am praying that the Lord continues to heal your hearts and thankful that you have two sweet children on earth to pour your mommy love into.

  74. Thank you so much for sharing. It isn’t easy to share those little pieces of your heart especially knowing many will read and not understand. I have had 5, but I am so blessed to have 5 on earth and one who is 21 weeks and growing. I will be praying for you as your heart continues to heal and you decide the next step for your family.

  75. My heart aches for your losses. I have had two, back to back, heartbreaking miscarriages as well. The first 6w1d, and my body passed babe easily and quickly. The second time at 8 weeks, but by body held onto the babe for almost 2 months. Luckily I had no infection or issues that way in waiting so long to miscarry fully. I finally went in for an ultrasound and saw on the screen that the baby was still in there, but not alive, not growing. The very next day I started to bleed and pass my little one. My body and mind wouldn’t let go until I saw that screen and knew without a doubt that s/he was gone. These were my 3rd and 4th pregnancies. I had 2 children without a problem, 2 losses, time for investigation, and then 2 more little ones. I am blessed with all 6 of them. Bless you and your family. Let your feelings, intuition, and prayers continue to lead you to the right choice.

  76. So touching and beautiful to read your story. I had a miscarriage after my first healthy, uneventful pregnancy. I was only eight weeks along but was surprised at how painful it was, both emotionally and physically. I kept having sad thoughts about things I had exposed myself to comment like spray painting some frames, or using bug spray. It felt like maybe it was my fault. It was a very challenging time and felt very pointless. Thank you for sharing your experiences, especially the touching testimony.

  77. ?

  78. I’m so so so sorry for your loss.

  79. Thank you for sharing your story, it was beautifully and so openly written. I am so sorry for your losses and hold your family in my thoughts.

  80. I am so so sorry for your loss, and grateful for your transparency. Thank you, also, for sharing your faith! “God is still good.” You made me weep when I read that. What a beautiful testimony.
    I experienced 2 “threatened miscarriages” in February during my 2nd trimester (a large hemorrhage, then 2 weeks later, strong contractions minutes apart for hours-basically active labor- that finally, unexplainably stopped). I spent most of my pregnancy on bedrest and being monitored closely by MFM. A very different experience from my first 2 natural, healthy pregnancies, too. I did not end up experiencing loss that so many do. But I did live in fear for 6 mos, and developed a heart for those who do. The verse that kept repeating in my mind was psalm 63:, “because your Love is better than life, my lips will praise you.” I came to a deeper realization and acceptance that His love really is better than life, mine or my baby’s, and the only thing I could do at that time was continue to praise Him. And most of the time, that looked like me lying there, numb, repeating that one verse and crying. But I felt like God was saying that is ok. That that offering was beautiful to Him.
    Thank you for being a light on the other side of loss. It is beautiful and encouraging to see you praising God in the midst of it. We don’t understand these things now. But you are right. God is still good. And there is power in your testimony!

    • Thank you for that verse.

    • I have read and reread your comment many times. This was so well expressed that I could weep and also be awed by the strength in your faith. I would like to offer my condolences to you and all the other women who have endured such sorrow. Your phrase “being a light on the other side of loss” regarding mama natural herself; posting psalm 63, as good a mantra as any I have heard to focus on positives during hardship, will help me to be more sensitive to all the parents of “angel babies” (Angela in an above comment used this term). I am a better person for learning from your lesson.

    • This is just beautiful 🙂 His love really is better than ALL.

  81. Hugs mama. Thank you for sharing this with us. We love YOU right back!

    And thank you for encouraging me in our faith. ?

  82. Agree with Darcie- last comment. You are anything but geriatric. !! Haha!!
    I am Darcie’s mother and I had Darcie’s sister when I was 38; there are 15 years between them and they are great sisters together. ??
    But- before I had Lonnacie, Darcie’s sister, I had a missed miscarriage at age 37. Even tho I had already borne 3 children, it was a complete shock.
    I had no idea what women all over the world go through every day on this planet. And, I would venture to say that most do it without any support system.
    I could describe a lot of things but I’ll just say I’m glad you’re encouraging people to tell their story. I found it amazing in our modern day how little is actually shared about this journey.
    The loneliness and the blood stood out to me a lot because I was completely alone and I cleaned up everything myself. In that case, it wasn’t real to others around me. They saw nothing, heard nothing, felt nothing.
    On the other hand, I had two children at home and I couldn’t have them coming home to a bloody house! I was just thankful it didn’t happen on the road between Washington & Idaho as I had no idea what would take place and was not sufficiently warned what to prepare for by the doctor.
    So my little Cadence (which means timing) was gone but I’m forever grateful for the journey and the strength from above that sustains women.
    President Reagan was the president during the time when all 3 of my earlier children were born. Bless his heart for that mindful declaration.

  83. So sorry to hear this! As someone who has never experienced a miscarriage it can be easy to take our uneventful pregnancy/pregnancies for granted. This post is a good reminder to me of what a gift this is to be able to care for my daughter Earth side and that I’m not above a difficult or unsuccessful pregnancy in the future.

    Even though it’s difficult in the present, our gracious God will have those babies ready to welcome you into eternity someday.

  84. My heart aches for you. I know the deep grief all too well. My husband and I got pregnant with our second this past August. On Sunday (Oct 22/17) we went for our 12 week ultrasound. I will never forget the expression on the ultrasound tech’s face when she told us that she had bad news for us. The baby died at 9 weeks, and my body had a missed miscarriage.
    You capture so perfectly the raw emotion and emotional and physical pain of a missed miscarriage. I passed the baby, and we were able to see it’s perfectly formed body. Such a true blessing, and closure. It’s only been 5 days, but the longest 5 days of my life. We serve a faithful and good God, and know that He had a bigger purpose for our angel baby. We have hope and peace that one day we will hold our sweet baby, Sage, in our arms.

    Thank you for posting this. I’ve been struggling to process and put my thoughts into words, and this has been such an encouragement.

    • So sorry for your loss, Heidi. Thank God we have a living hope but it does hurt down here ?

  85. Crying over here…bless you. I am so deeply sorry for your heartbreak and so thankful you have chosen to share your experience and your feelings. I have gone through 2 miscarriages in the last 2 1/2 years. One was early with a 2-week late “heavy period” and the other was further along and “missed.” I was able to hold my tiny baby in my hand. You are never the same after experiencing misscarriage. Thank you again for sharing, you are amazing. Hugs to you.

    • So sorry for your losses. You are never the same but I’m glad for the experience for all that I learned (and for the promise of seeing them again.)

      • I agree, 100% <3

  86. I’m so sorrry mama natural. I had no idea! You powered through everything going on in your life without mentioning this was going on behind the scenes. I’ve had 2 miscarriages as well and they are just as you described. I God bless you and all your babies and whatever you decided to do next. PS you are anything but geriatric! ?

    • Agree with Darcie- previous comment. You are anything but geriatric. !! Haha!!
      I am Darcie’s mother and I had Darcie’s sister when I was 38; there are 15 years between them and they are great sisters together. ??
      But- before I had Lonnacie, Darcie’s sister, I had a missed miscarriage at age 37. Even tho I had already borne 3 children, it was a complete shock.
      I had no idea what women all over the world go through every day on this planet. And, I would venture to say that most do it without any support system.
      I could describe a lot of things but I’ll just say I’m glad you’re encouraging people to tell their story. I found it amazing in our modern day how little is actually shared about this journey.
      The loneliness and the blood stood out to me a lot because I was completely alone and I cleaned up everything myself. In that case, it wasn’t real to others around me. They saw nothing, heard nothing, felt nothing.
      On the other hand, I had two children at home and I couldn’t have them coming home to a bloody house! I was just thankful it didn’t happen on the road between Washington & Idaho as I had no idea what would take place and was not sufficiently warned what to prepare for by the doctor.
      So my little Cadence (which means timing) was gone but I’m forever grateful for the journey and the strength from above that sustains women.
      President Reagan was the president during the time when all 3 of my earlier children were born. Bless his heart for that mindful declaration.

    • Thank you Darcie! So sorry for your losses too ?

  87. I am sorry for your losses. I have not personally experienced this, but I think it is so important for others to share their stories and experiences, when they are ready and able to, so it brings awareness to how common it is and makes other women feel like they are not alone. I also think the awareness tends to make people think a little more before they speak and not question a woman (or a couple) about why she doesn’t have children or when she is going to start having children. I admire your faith and hope you are led to whatever option is best for you and your family. If there is one thing I have learned when it comes to growing a family, God tends to laugh at the plans we make for ourselves. <3

  88. Wow, I was 41 when my husband and I experienced our first miscarriage and then again at 42. I am still 42 and we are still trying, mostly because I have never had a baby. It took me a long time before meeting my Godly husband and now I guess I am a old woman, but I feel healthy and ready. My doctors found a fibroid in the inner wall of my uterus and they keep saying it doesn’t affect getting pregnant (I’ve read other research that says it can). I’ve tried massage, next thing will be a special cleanse, so I am praying with my husband for a little miracle; because it will need to be a miracle at this point from God. I am sorry you experienced the losses, we can relate all too well. We almost share the same exact types of miscarriage. We will also keep you in our prayers. Please share what treatments or health practices you will use if you both decide to try again.

    God Bless You Sister and Thank You, we all need an advocate for this difficult time.

    • Will pray for you Karina! Glad you’re working with some doctors to see if there are any genetic, clotting or hormonal issues that can be addressed and healed. Xo

  89. Genevieve, I’m so sorry for your loss. I’ve enjoyed your videos since I got pregnant the first time in 2013. We have a beautiful little 3 year old.
    And I’m also 41. I had a missed miscarriage at 11 weeks back in April of this year. It was so hard emotionally and physically. I began bleeding and it wouldn’t stop. I ended up in the ER with an emergency D & C and got blood administered. It was a sad time in our lives.
    But we are currently trying again. Thank you for sharing your story. It helps to have the support. Prayers to us both for another possible pregnancy or whatever our future holds. xo, Michelle

    • Hope and pray for a healthy and full-term pregnancy for you and family 🙂

  90. Prayers for you mama. Your experience sounds VERY similar to mine. We discovered our MMC at our routine 12 week visit. Our doc couldn’t find the heartbeat via Doppler so we opted for an US to check up closer. My body had not passed our babe (who measured around 8-9 weeks also) after 4 weeks and meds to start labor, so I had to have a D&C. It’s always comforting to hear that you’re not the only one to struggle spiritually after a loss ❤️

  91. Thank you for sharing this! My first pregnancy was a missed miscarriage and it haunts me throughout this pregnancy even though I know I need to not give into fear and focus on love for this little one. You are very brave to publish your story! (I felt brave for telling most of my family and some close friends) It is always helpful to hear of someone who experienced the same thing as you, as no one can really understand unless they’ve experienced it. I appreciate it!
    <3

    • I’m so sorry for your loss. Sending love!

  92. Im so sorry for your loss. You’re so beautiful (soul / inside and out) and I thank you for sharing your story. Sending healing and love ❤️

  93. During both of my pregnancies and newborn stages your videos gave me great comfort and enjoyment (not to mention great info) and even though we’ve never met I felt like you were like a friend. Reading this made my heart break and I pray God will give you the strength to carry on and lead you to do whatever is best for you and your family.

  94. You are brave, strong, beautiful and wise. Your faith is inspiring and your words a true salve to many that are broken over their personal infant loss or that of a close friends. I am broken hearted for you but your perspective is joy filled and I pray that you continue to find peace. All 4 of your babies are blessed to have you as there mama.

    • Thank you Christina ?

  95. Bless you. I have had two late first trimester miscarriages, including one missed miscarriage I labored through a few weeks later. The memories carry with you as much as a full term birth. Your heart expands, grieves and beats along with other grieving mothers because of what you have been through. I’m grateful to His that He won’t let your suffering be wasted and uses your love and knowledge. Part of your forever family, those souls. Love

  96. God bless you!! Thank you for being brave and sharing this. I will be praying for you <3

  97. Wow, thank you so much for your openness and honesty. I went through a miscarriage as well and although not ready to talk about it, I definitely find it helpful to read other stories. I appreciate you sharing and I am so very sorry for your losses.

  98. God bless you, beautiful Genevieve.

  99. Much love to you. Thank you for sharing your story.

  100. I’m so sorry for your losses! I pray for your family and believe that everything is in God’s hands! I’m 18w4d today and am enjoying your book and natural birthing class. Hugs

  101. Im so sad to read about your loss! We have been watching and reading your posts since our first birth and I have been hoping you would have another sweet baby for a while now. I don’t know why, but I will be praying for the Lord’s will and that he will give you the desires of your heart! Your book launch happened a month before my due date for baby #3 and though I was so far along, I wanted to get it because you have been such a help and support. I was brought to tears now thinking of how we were both expecting when I posted how much I loved your book on my Instagram. We love you and will be praying over you. Thank you for sharing! You are a strong Mama. ❤️❤️❤️❤️

  102. I am very sorry for your loss Genevieve 🙁 thank you for opening up about your story. It’s a very hard thing to lose a child at any point. I too, have had 2 babies in heaven. May the Lord continue to strengthen your mind, soul and body and guide your decisions as a family. Psalms 139 🙂 Be bless!

  103. Sending love and hugs XO

  104. Hugs!!! I’ve been there! I had 2 miscarriages just EXACTLY like you described plus a third one that was between those 2 experiences. I am 45 and just had my rainbow baby girl, Bethany Marie. She is 5 months old and healthy. I now have 8 children…the oldest being 20. Life is crazy, hectic, but full and messily wonderful. I will keep you in my prayers for a successful pregnancy. Since I’m Catholic, having the priest give me a blessing following those miscarriages gave me so much spiritual peace. God Bless you, Genevieve!! You will see your darlings in Heaven someday!

    • Wow, Debi, a baby at 45! So awesome. You are a rich woman with that many children 🙂 God bless you!

  105. Thank you for sharing your story. Because miscarriage has been sushed into private tragedies for so long, I wasnt aware how many women in my circle had experienced them until I had my own story as well. Mine is very similar to yours. I had a missed miscarriage at 10 weeks and passed my baby naturally at 13 weeks after 5 hours of labor. Then I had another miscarriage at 6 weeks. I was devastated. But now my 13 month is sleeping on my chest as I write this and Im expecting an Irish twin in January! Praise God. Thank you once again for sharing.

    • Praise God! So happy you have your baby boy and one coming soon! Double blessing 🙂

  106. I am so very sorry for your loss. Praying for healing and answers. xo

  107. I am so so sorry for your losses Genevieve ?? Praying for you. It’s so sad that so many women go through this. I hope after you do some research on why you think this happened that you share and do a post on it, as I’m sure many women would be interested in reading it.
    Also it will be super interesting to read about down syndrome and why that happens sometimes too.

  108. Hello Genevieve,
    I am extremely sorry for your loss. I went through a similar situation two years ago. At almost 8 weeks I witness a heart beat. At 12 weeks no heart beat. My body still felt pregnant and I had no signs of anything being wrong. It took me awhile to move on from it. I don’t think a woman ever fully recover from losing a child. Talking about it really did help me heal. My husband and I have been trying for over a year to get pregnant and we haven’t had any luck. I know the wonderful Lord has something special for my husband and I. I just have to be patiant and continue to leave it in God’s hands.

  109. I’m so sorry for your losses. I know how hard it was for me whem I lost two babies before my first son. I had a missed miscarriage at 10 weeks and a D&C, and my second one I passed naturally at 8 weeks. Both hard experiences. I know I was grateful to meet other people online and in person who had had losses as well and so I definitely think it is worthwhile to share our stories. Hugs, mama.

  110. I cried as I read your story because it was so similar to my own. My first pregnancy ended in a miscarriage at 10 weeks (the baby measured 8). I found out at my first appointment when there was no heartbeat. That was 2 years ago and today I have a 3 month old napping in the next room. Praise the Lord! But I still think about the baby I lost. Praying for you as you grieve your losses. Give your self plenty of time and grace.

  111. I am so sorry for your loss Mama & also for all the other ladies who have lost their babies. I am 30 years old & I got married last year December & fell pregnant in February. We were so happy. Unfortunately we had a miscarriage 13 weeks later. The night before the miscarriage I was reading Psalms 139 & just marvelling at God’s wondrous work. When it happened the next morning yet it was very sad& left me feeling so empty but God’s peace was with me through it all. I live in South Africa & I battled to find any active physical community & so I joined a few online platforms and it really helped me to know that I wasn’t alone, there were real people out there who understood exactly what I was going through. I am currently 7 weeks pregnant and this time around we haven’t shared the news with anyone, we are still waiting for our first scan then we will take it from there. It is hard not to share my happiness with my loved ones immediately but this time around I am trying to be more cautious. And I told myself that the only thing within my control is to be healthy& prayerful and just leave the rest to God. May our good Lord guide you Mama as you decide on the next step to take for your family moving foward. Thanks so much for sharing your story with us.

  112. Wow. This is uncanny. I was gifted your (amazing!) book (even though I’m not pregnant yet, reading it by faith!) so I came here to get to know you more. Our stories are almost identical! I’m advanced maternal age ;), already have a boy & girl, 10&8yrs old, had super easy pregnancies with them, but then we prayed & felt led by God to have more kids… and then I had two heartbreaking miscarriages this year, exactly the same time along as you, and I thought the second one was twins too. Crazy! The second one was just like real labor, horrendous, like you said. I am in awe. We are still going forward with, Lord willing, having more, but I’m just amazed how nearly-identical our stories are. I too am an author/blogger, Christian, and I’m so grateful for your humble example. Plus, yourbook is amazing!!! So grateful for you girl!

    • Praying for you and family! Your story is so cool and definitely has God’s fingerprints all over it 🙂 Can’t wait to see how it all unfolds…

  113. Oh Genevieve, I feel your pain so keenly.
    At almost 40 I’m sat here nursing my 3 week old rainbow baby after 2 losses at 5 weeks & 9 weeks, and your emails & YouTube updates have supported me all the way. I’m so sorry you’ve had to bear your losses in the midst of others happiness, that must make it doubly difficult.
    Having 2 older children (12 & 9), I too wasn’t prepared for the hurt & extreme pain of miscarriage, it really does feel like labour. I remember standing at the school gates waiting to collect my 9year old whilst losing the baby we’d do longed for, it’s heartbreaking.
    After some tests, we found out I have inherited thrombophilia & after injecting blood thinner Clexane all pregnancy, our 3 week old daughter is living proof that investigation into the reason for your losses could be very fruitful. I wish you strength & love in your journey xx

    • My heart breaks for you Kathryn and what joy to be nursing a little one! I hope your older ones are great helpers. You bring up a great point as I remember in my 23&me test that I had a very high propensity for deep vein thrombosis. I didn’t even put that together. My mom had two miscarriages and a stillborn and my maternal grandma died of a blood clot. Thank you for bringing this to my attention ? Enjoy every ounce of this special time.

  114. I found out I was pregnant with our second child on 4/8/17 on my birthday. We were so happy. Then I had spotting at the end of May we finally couldn’t take waiting around to find out and we had the ultrasound which showed that our baby died at 8 weeks 4 days. I was currently 13 weeks. The next day my body kicked in to gear and I labored and passed the baby at home and there was so much blood. No one tells you how much you can bleed. We we’re devastated. We are trying for our rainbow ? and hope we are pregnant right now….we are nearing the end of our 2ww

  115. I’m so sorry, Genevieve. Thank you for your vulnerability in sharing your story. I have never lost a baby—in fact I just had my second healthy baby girl in July. I can’t imagine the heartache you must have felt and even still feel. Praise Jesus for your two healthy darlings and I pray that God gives you and Michael wisdom with how to move forward. May He continue to heal your heart (and body!). Much love.

  116. I’m so sorry for your losses. I am praying for you all. Thank you for sharing your story. God bless.

  117. I’m so sorry for your losses! I also had two miscarriages very close together before having my recent rainbow baby who’s now seven months old. Keep praying, and I’m sure God will guide you in the direction He wants you to go. I wasn’t sure if I could try getting pregnant again either, although I really wanted a sibling for my (then, only) child. Being pregnant after those two miscarriages was harder than I imagined, too. If you decide to try again, begin praying for God to take away any anxiety you have around the pregnancy. Right when I got pregnant with my rainbow baby I started an organization similar to Through the Heart called Sent from Heaven. We also deliver care packages, but we’re locally and Christian-based. We’re sourcing items from local vendors and all our recipients are local. We have delivered 30+ packages in our first year!!

  118. I am so sorry. I will pray for you and your family. I know the feelings as I had a miscarriage on Valentines Day 2017 and emailed you to be removed from the update list. *Hugs*

  119. I am sorry. My heart breaks for you. I know the feeling all to well. Same as you I had two healthy and easy pregnancies. A girl and a boy. I easily got pregnant for the third time but at my 10 week appointment there was no heartbeat on the ultrasound. I knew immediately because the baby was not moving. It was an outer body experience. The baby stopped growing at around 8 weeks. Months later I had what they call a chemical pregnancy. But the very next month I was pregnant and he is now 4! Thank you for sharing. We need to talk more about it. Thinking of you guys ❤️

  120. Such a sad story, I wish you didnt have to go through this. I had a miscarriage with my very first pregnancy at 8 weeks. After that we were blessed with two healthy pregnancies and now enjoying our two boys (3 and 1). I love the quote at the beginning, it actually would make sense to have a word for a parent who lost a child. Still feels like a taboo so its really good to just be open about it. Love for all the parents of little angels <3

  121. Thank you SO much for being vulnerable and so very raw and open! I was really wondering what was going on with you guys. It felt like you had fallen off of the planet! I will be praying for you! It’s hard to understand these kinds of situations but, I too believe that God is always good!??

  122. Thank you for sharing your story! I’m currently experiencing something quite similar to your first story, a very early miscarriage. Reading this definitely helped me to grasp what I’m feeling and put into words better than I ever could.
    I’m very sorry for your losses and my thoughts and prayers are with your family.

  123. THANK YOU for sharing this. I drank in every word you wrote. Though I wouldn’t wish this loss on anyone, it is comforting beyond measure to know that I am not alone with all of these complicated feelings. I felt so connected to Mama Natural during and after my pregnancies, but have found your posts difficult to view in the past few months. Little did I know that you yourself felt the same way. THANK YOU again for sharing.

  124. It breaks my heart to hear your story and know that there is always the possibility to “yes” in the future. I struggled for the longest time to get pregnant and was fortunate to become a mother at the age of 38. At the same time I found out I was pregnant my sister who is 44 found out she was also expecting. In August of this year gave birth to a healthy, vibrant baby boy. That was her 4th child and while she was significantly more tired and exhausted than with her previous pregnancies and brought a healthy child into this world. I believe that you still have time!! You are healthy and take excellent care of yourself. I am sorry that you have to go through this experience and know that your community is here for you. Thank you for sharing your story. This is probably more helpful to your community than you may ever know.

  125. I am sorry for your losses. Keeping you and your family in my prayers.

  126. I am so sorry for your loss Mama. Thank you for sharing your experience. Your faith in God is very inspirational, and I pray that God grants you the peace that surpasses all understanding. xo

  127. Big hugs to both of you. We have 10 babies waiting for us in heaven. Like you, though, we feel SO blessed that we are able to be parents at all! Each time we lost another baby, my heart ached even more for those parents who have miscarriages before having ANY kids yet, that would be even worse!

    Here’s my story and a little about what I learned about why we lost so many: https://kellythekitchenkop.com/infertility-and-nutrition-when-trying-to-conceive/

    I’ll pray for you as you grieve your sweet babies.

    Kelly

  128. I’m sorry you have now joined the club nobody wants to join. It is true that the innocence is lost. Unfortunately, mine was lost during my first pregnancy, and though I’ve had five since then (all of which have resulted in healthy babies), I’m still a nervous wreck in those early weeks. Like you, mine was a “missed” miscarriage at around 12 weeks. My rainbow came 2 years later (our first pregnancy wasn’t planned, but welcomed).

    I opted to have medication to induce labor to try and pass the baby on my own. I couldn’t stand carrying any longer. But all the poking and prodding I went through that day at the doctor’s caused my water to break, and it started on its own. I was really young. 19. Married just a few months before. I think my maternal “switch” hadn’t been flipped yet, so I actually felt like I wasn’t sad enough. It was a huge disappointment, but I don’t think I fully appreciated all that I had lost until my first living child was born. I dunno if that makes sense.

    I think I told the story of my baby visiting me here several years ago (I know how crazy that sounds if you don’t remember the story), so I firmly believe that they are waiting for us in the next life.

    Love and prayers to you, whatever you choose to do going forward. And if you do try again, may God bless you with healthy rainbow baby.

  129. I had my first child stillborn when I was 21 years old.
    It was a horrible and life changing experience. The best way I can think to describe it is soul crushing. I have since had two boys (ages 3 and 18 months) and I’m due with my third boy in a month. My only daughter lives in heaven.
    A quote I found helpful but also heartbreaking was “the first thing they saw when their eyes opened was the face of Jesus”
    How beautiful for my daughter to spend her eternity with God! I will see her again one day and until then I’m thankful for my little boys.

  130. Thank you so much for being vulnerable and sharing your story. I’m so, so sorry for what you had to go through. Praying for you and your family.

  131. I’m going through the same thing now 🙁 A missed miscarriage. My husband and I weren’t trying, but we weren’t not trying either. This was a surprise baby (like our first) and I made it all the way through the first trimester feeling pregnant, getting bigger, no signs of anything wrong. Then after 3 failed doppler attempts to get a heartbeat we were told to get an ultrasound which revealed no heartbeat, not even a little baby. Apparently I’d miscarried so early that there wasn’t even anything showing in my womb on the screen. But my body had held on for 3 months!! Just last night I finally felt the contractions and immense bleeding and my body officially let go. Now if only I could let go of the idea of my daughter having a sibling so close in age 🙁

    • Wow, Lindsay. My heart breaks for you and for what you are going through. I will be holding you and your family in my thoughts and prayers!

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